Archive for November, 2013

6779 American Troops Won’t Be …

Thursday, November 28th, 2013


… joining us for Thanksgiving.  They were killed in Iraq and Afghanistan fighting for …uhh?

Had enough yet America?

And This Lovely Gown Is Also A Swimsuit

Thursday, November 28th, 2013

And Hula Boy isn’t concerned at all.

You Slapped Me! You REALLY SLAPPED ME!

Thursday, November 28th, 2013

Just Another Man You’re Going To Blame

Thursday, November 28th, 2013

Human test trials for the male birth control pill are now in the final phases. This is a really dumb idea.

WOMEN – here’s a hypothetical test:  you meet a really hot guy at a cool party. There aren’t any telltale tan lines of a wedding ring on his finger. He’s clean, kind of good-looking, and is neither a hairdresser nor an interior designer. And he’s only spent about three quarters of the time talking about himself.

A bouncing boobed bimbo shakes on by and he never takes his eyes off you. Bingo! You’re slightly drunk – so you invite him back to your apartment “to talk.” When he actually pays for the cab ride and gives the driver a good tip, you think – “should we rush a January wedding….or wait another month?”

As soon as you enter your apartment, passion melts the wallpaper! Clothes fly everywhere and at one point in the melee, you kiss your own forearm! After tumbling into bed, you take out a condom and hurriedly hand it to your new lover.

He smiles and says, “I don’t need that, Baby – I’m on the male birth control pill.”

WOMEN, Do you say …….

A. “Wow! You really DO have a great sense of humor!” or

B. “You HAVE to – I don’t want to get HIV again!” or

C. “Good! I WANT to have more children!” or

D. “Right. How selfish of me to put an unwanted pregnancy before your minute and a half of pleasure!”

Male birth control pills will become viable only when women trust men enough to put down the toilet seat every night.

(When I was single, I had a vasectomy.  I always knew ‘childfree’ was the right choice for me.  Sometimes when I went out with a new woman, she was hesitant about trusting me with that piece of information.  I was always happy to  let her find the small scar herself in a bar or restaurant.)

Thanksgiving Is Black Friday’s Eve

Thursday, November 28th, 2013

In the late 1960s I marched in ‘Civil Rights’ demonstrations. For one week I even lived with a Black family in the inner city on an exchange program.  I was proud when a national holiday was dedicated to Martin Luther King and contributed to his Washington memorial. I tolerate Kwanzaa about as much as I do the other ethnic heritage holidays like Saint Patrick’s Day and Cinque de Mayo.

But enough’s enough.

Everywhere I turn, I see Black Friday. Black Friday! BLACK FRIDAY!

Many people get the day off from work.  Stores are having huge sales to celebrate.  It’s in the news and on the talk shows.  And now, somehow, this day is even creeping into another holiday, Thanksgiving.  C’mon!

Hey,  Black people: You want another holiday?  Take Columbus Day – Italians don’t care.  Or Arbor Day.  That one’s a little shaky since Earth Day greened all over it.  You can’t have Christmas or Easter because the churches would go out of business.  How about May 27th – Jefferson Davis’ Birthday? That should piss off some people in Mississippi.

But try to grab one that doesn’t crowd another holiday.  Mix it up a bit.  We like to suffer these events one little misery at a time.

MYOFB*

Thursday, November 28th, 2013

*(Mind Your Own Fucking Business)

One of my favorite portrait photography models was “C.” We used to have a lot of fun together.  C is a young woman about a head taller than me when she puts on her “hooker heels.”  She’s also about  35-years younger.

When we went out, I was amazed at the rude reaction of people.  Since we looked like the Prom Queen of Porn and her “manager”, we got all sorts of sneers, looks of disgust, and shaking of heads.

Once when we left a casino in Niagara Falls, Canada, a rude cab driver leaning against his car said to her, “Oh – is this your Father?”  Without hesitation, C said, “Yes, he is – but we fuck anyway.”  His face looked like he was punched in the stomach.

When you stick your nose into other peoples’ business, you get what you get with no apologies.

A Bow To Katy Perry

Wednesday, November 27th, 2013

Katy Perry performed at Sunday night’s American Music Awards and wore a traditional Japanese dress during her show-starting performance of “Unconditionally.” Reviewers said the number was “a whirling production awash with colors and movements before Perry disappeared in a puff of smoke.” Fantastic!

Of course the usual turds in the punchbowl claimed her costume was “racist” not knowing that Perry loves the Japanese culture and wanted to honor her interest in it.  Sometimes being politically correct is OK – and sometimes I just want to say, “Oh – bite me.”

No Retakes

Wednesday, November 27th, 2013


In 1926, “The General,” starring Buster Keaton, featured a train wreck. At that time it was the most expensive scene ever filmed. It cost $42,000 – about $500,000 in today’s dollars.  Hundreds of local Oregon townspeople gathered to see the scene shot.  Some screamed thinking the dummy conductor was a live man.

“The General” flopped at the box office.  People wouldn’t pay a nickel to see a train wreck and critics thought the rest of the movie crashed as well.

US Ministry Of Propaganda Protests

Wednesday, November 27th, 2013

"Keep smiling you son-of-a-bitch ..."

The mainstream media in America is the propaganda branch of our government. It lulls us into believing that things are getting better in the economy, the wars, and Obamacare – and Obama is basically doing a good job. Most of the  media people know this is horseshit. For years they’ve been guilty enablers helping keep vacuous smiles on the faces of clueless Americans.

Until now.

Now in an extraordinary letter, mainstreamers like USA Today and 40-other media outlets (!) are saying they will no longer publish White House photos as a protest to restrictions on a free press. The letter said closing the door to the press gets in the way of “the public’s ability to independently monitor and see what its government is doing.”

Here’s an example: say Presidents Karzai of Afghanistan and Obama have a contentious, name-calling, hair-pulling meeting about troop withdrawal.  Of course no media reps were in the room and after the boys clean up, they pose before  official White House photographer, Pete Souza, smiling and shaking hands.  The WH has already given out a written statement – composed before they met – talking about a “firm but productive meeting.”  This preprocessed pablum is then what the American public sees as news.

Transparency in government?  That’s a good one!

You can read about the media protest here.

In a hilarious update to this story, the White House  just released this photo of how much access the press has to Obama.  Hmmm – when was this taken and what important legislation was he signing?  Keep on believin’ America!

"No questions please."

 

Doppler? I Don’t Even Know Her!

Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

I don’t like Doppler radar and I’m not amused by the  the bizarre, flashing maps and flailing isobars. I don’t  like fronts when they dance across the screen in time-enhanced, color cartoons.  This is Rochester, New York and we get snow storms every year – EVERY YEAR – count on it!  But people still talk and walk (and DRIVE) like they just got off the boat from Egypt.

Another “Storm of the Century” is predicted for the Northeastern United States tonight and everyone is in a tizzy.  We get these about once each year and the weather-feathers started whipping people into a froth two or three days ago: “Lotsa big weather coming! No unnecessary travel.  Watch for cancellations and delays! Hide your kids! Stay tuned!”

Meteorologists are jumping around in front of maps – all grim – with their jackets off to show how hard they’re working to save us from mad weather.   And all the old people rush to grocery stores and stock up like the storm might last 6-weeks. I was in a store today and herds of panicked, wrinkled shoppers were crashing their carts into each other.

When we were an agricultural society, weather reports made sense because farmers could plan their days accordingly. Today the weather is just a hyped, cheap-to-produce stepchild of local news. ANYTHING out of the ordinary is a viewer bonanza but there’s less there than meets the eye.

I could do the friggin’ weather  in about 10-seconds. Here goes:

“The National Weather Service says there’s about a 50% chance of snow tonight. So flip a coin and and good luck to ya. Back to you, Nikki.”