Archive for November 30th, 2013

‘First Wives Club’ – You Don’t Own Me

Saturday, November 30th, 2013

Can’t Let Go Of Halloween

Saturday, November 30th, 2013

Does Santa Have A Cocaine Problem?

Saturday, November 30th, 2013

Forget the milk and cookies. Santa is telling you what he really wants.

Frenetically rushing around the world in one night was probably one sign. His top deer having a bright red nose was another.  But chronically tapping his nose with his finger was the obvious danger signal that Saint Nick wasn’t making toys around the clock on coffee.  His elves and Mrs. Claus performed an intervention last summer and Santa wasn’t too jolly about it.

North Pole spokesperson, Candy Cane, denied the rumors of Mr. Christmas’s drug use.

“That’s how he gets up chimneys for Chrissakes!” she said.  Then Ms. Cane quoted from the classic Christmas poem, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ to make her point.  She read:

“And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.”

“Geez!” she exclaimed, “I hope you’re not going to tell this shit to the kids!”

Mr. Claus reportedly signed into the Betty Ford Clinic using the name "Rob Ford."


Saturday, November 30th, 2013
At least they didn’t bring guns … oh, wait…

Pushing. Shouting. Shootings. Stompings. Pepper Spraying. Shop Lifting. Stun-Guns. Screams. Accidents and Arrests.  Welcome to the madness of Thanksgiving shopping on Black Friday! I think it’s funny as hell.

“Oooooh,” whine traditionalists, “think of those poor kids having to work on the holiday!”  Horseshit.  I hate disingenuous arguments.  Their real snivel is that making grubby bucks is more important to most kids than sitting around in a pretend Norman Rockwell-turkey-painting sulking in front of dull relatives.  And the hordes of those nitwits glutinous for excessive material things are having the time of their lives!

When Black Friday turns into Black and Blue Friday, it’s very entertaining for the rest of us.  Can we talk about a nationwide pay-for-view television extravaganza next year?  I’m in!