Archive for November 14th, 2013

He Went To Bed At 2 With a 10 …

Thursday, November 14th, 2013

And Woke Up at 4 With a 2 – And She Was Snoring.

Benjamin Duddles (yes – that’s his real name,) 41, of  Waukesha, Wisconsin, got lucky Saturday night. He was drunk, picked up a woman – also drunk – and had sex with her in his apartment.  After they both passed out, he was awakened at 4-AM by the woman’s snoring.  He tried to rouse her but she continued to sleep – and snore.

So Mr. Duddles called 911 and said he wanted ‘a female removed from his bed.’  He added he wasn’t sure ‘how she got into the apartment’ but she was “snoring like a train.”

When the cops arrived, Duddles admitted they got drunk together, passed out, and he became annoyed when her snoring woke him up.

A Waukesha Police Department report said the woman was ‘found to be fine medically, just has sleep apnea.’ Although they did not arrest him, the police suggested Duddles sleep on the couch and not bother them again.

Would you call 911 on a snoring lover?  What if McDonalds ran out of McNuggets?  Read more: here.

Mayor’s Crack-Smoking Defense:

Thursday, November 14th, 2013

“I Was In A Drunken Stupor!”

Rob Ford, the feisty Mayor of Toronto, Canada, is a bit of a mess these days. He’s been accused by the City Council of buying and smoking crack cocaine, drinking whole pints of vodka out of the bottle, being loudly drunk in public, parading hookers through the Mayor’s office, and threatening to kill someone spouting “… when he’s down, I’ll rip his fucking throat out. I’ll poke his eyes out.”

Hanging out with a few of the yo's.

On the other hand, Ford believes he’s a positive role model for kids.  Apparently, not everyone in Canada agrees.

After months of quietly urging “Mayor McCrack” to come clean and go into rehab, the ever-polite City Council passed a resolution “urging” him to take a “leave of absence to address his personal issues, then return to lead the City in the capacity for which he was elected.”  Ford demanded each member should undergo alcohol and drug testing instead.

The Mayor has denied being an alcoholic “or an addict of any sort” and said he was “not quite sure” why colleagues said he needed help.

UPDATE TODAY (From ABC News) Ford’s latest stunner occurred as he denied allegations in police documents that he told a former staffer he wanted to engage in oral sex with her. He told reporters his sexual needs were more than fulfilled.

“It says that I wanted to eat her pussy,” he said on live TV. “I’ve never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I’m happily married. I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.”

Ford later apologized for his remarks.