Archive for November 9th, 2013

Kill Thrills

Saturday, November 9th, 2013

Ah, the proud hunter. Look how happy he is!  Look how macho!  Well, wouldn’t you be if you just slaughtered a living creature which did  not have a gun or bows and arrows to defend itself?

“But we do it to put food on our families’ table.”  Horseshit!  By the time you add up the costs of licenses, costumes, safety vests, guns, ammo, tree houses, drinks, rendering, gas, etc. you’ll pay about double what you could have paid for fine steaks from meat markets.  But hey, the Bible says God put animals on earth to serve us, right?  Right – I can just picture Jesus in a hunter outfit and hat, with a high-caliber rifle, tramping down the trails itching to splatter deer blood..

And, of course, there’s the “hunter high” which occurs when you see your defenseless prey crash to the ground from one of your slugs or arrows . It’s kind of like an orgasm, some say. And those are the “clean kills” – over 1/2 of  hunted animals are just wounded enough to leave blood trails so the hunter can chase it through the woods for another shot (or two).

No one seems to like my idea from 30-years ago:  fence off a few thousand acres of government land, airlift out all of the wildlife, and give free access to hunters.  Then they would sign responsibility releases – and HUNT EACH OTHER! I’d enthusiastically wave to them if another hunter gave them a bumper ride home.

Is my idea fair or what? Some people even think I’m kidding!

Bambi: $15.99/Pound

Saturday, November 9th, 2013

It’s hunting season again. I have a number of friends who hunt but they don’t talk to me about it anymore. I think about them the same way traditional religious people think of gay people: love the sinner, hate the sin.

Some people say I’m a hypocrite if I eat meat but put down hunting. They’re nitwits.  There’s a HUGE difference between killing animals and eating their dead bodies. If it was up to me to KILL the food, we’d just have to eat fruit, vegetables, and tree bark. Let’s go over this again for slow readers:

Killing animals and eating their dead carcasses are totally different activities.

The only animal I could kill is a person intent on doing harm to me or my family. If you somehow broke into my apartment, it would not go well for you – promise.

A warning shot?  Sure – after shooting you eight times, I’d put a warning shot through the ceiling.

Cups Of Eye Coffee

Saturday, November 9th, 2013