Archive for November, 2013

‘First Wives Club’ – You Don’t Own Me

Saturday, November 30th, 2013

Can’t Let Go Of Halloween

Saturday, November 30th, 2013

Does Santa Have A Cocaine Problem?

Saturday, November 30th, 2013

Forget the milk and cookies. Santa is telling you what he really wants.

Frenetically rushing around the world in one night was probably one sign. His top deer having a bright red nose was another.  But chronically tapping his nose with his finger was the obvious danger signal that Saint Nick wasn’t making toys around the clock on coffee.  His elves and Mrs. Claus performed an intervention last summer and Santa wasn’t too jolly about it.

North Pole spokesperson, Candy Cane, denied the rumors of Mr. Christmas’s drug use.

“That’s how he gets up chimneys for Chrissakes!” she said.  Then Ms. Cane quoted from the classic Christmas poem, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ to make her point.  She read:

“And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.”

“Geez!” she exclaimed, “I hope you’re not going to tell this shit to the kids!”

Mr. Claus reportedly signed into the Betty Ford Clinic using the name "Rob Ford."


Saturday, November 30th, 2013
At least they didn’t bring guns … oh, wait…

Pushing. Shouting. Shootings. Stompings. Pepper Spraying. Shop Lifting. Stun-Guns. Screams. Accidents and Arrests.  Welcome to the madness of Thanksgiving shopping on Black Friday! I think it’s funny as hell.

“Oooooh,” whine traditionalists, “think of those poor kids having to work on the holiday!”  Horseshit.  I hate disingenuous arguments.  Their real snivel is that making grubby bucks is more important to most kids than sitting around in a pretend Norman Rockwell-turkey-painting sulking in front of dull relatives.  And the hordes of those nitwits glutinous for excessive material things are having the time of their lives!

When Black Friday turns into Black and Blue Friday, it’s very entertaining for the rest of us.  Can we talk about a nationwide pay-for-view television extravaganza next year?  I’m in!

Most Admired Woman: Ginger Lynn

Friday, November 29th, 2013

Ginger Lynn Allen, Actor - Director - Humanitarian

The ‘Most Admired Woman in America’ Gallup poll is being taken now and the odds-on winner is Hillary Clinton.  It will be her 12th consecutive year despite her hawk-like policies in the Mideast which have killed tens of thousands of people.  Mainly it’s a name-recognition pageant.  My choice is Ginger Lynn, the #1 female actress in adult films in the 1980’s. Being responsible for the deaths of countless civilians would be against her morals.

Ginger and I go back over 20-years.  You can read about it here.

Who Cares What He Says?

Friday, November 29th, 2013

It may be his country but they’re our drones and we’ll kill civilians if we want to!

Latest on ‘Drones vs. Innocent Civilians’ here.

Reach Out And Touch Somebody

Friday, November 29th, 2013

Low Consciousness Perks For Guys

Friday, November 29th, 2013


World’s Most Expensive Toiletpaper

Friday, November 29th, 2013

Do you want to crack up somebody very special this Christmas? How about a roll of the world’s most expensive toilet paper – Hanbisho of Japan.  It’s created by fastidious artisans, under ideal, sterile conditions, using pure water from one of the most pristine lakes in Japan.  It’s designed to look beautiful regardless of where it’s torn and reportedly was used by one man to paper his walls.

This silky-smooth paperwork is packaged in silver leaf handcrafted boxes and can be shipped to the United States in time for Christmas.  Cost? About $17 per roll minus shipping and handling.  I think there’s a 3-roll minimum order but my Japanese is a little rusty.  Roll here. Click on blue writing.

Thanksgiving Thowback Thursday

Thursday, November 28th, 2013

Don't ax me.

It was a year ago when Sarah Palin held a press conference in front of a turkey beheading machine. When reporters said it might not be the best background, she disagreed saying it would be ‘neat.’ Later her office denied she knew what was going on behind her.

(Not for the squeamish) See it here.