Archive for October, 2013

Are You Friggin’ Kidding Me?

Sunday, October 27th, 2013

Quit Bugging Me!

Saturday, October 26th, 2013


German Chancellor Angela Merkel has just about had it with American presidents.

In 2006, she was attending a G-8 conference when then President George Bush gave her a 1-second neck massage before she threw him off.

Last week it was disclosed America’s National Security Council was listening in on Merkel’s personal Nokia 6210 mobile phone.  The program was started in 2002 by Bush and expanded by “Yes We Scan” Obama.

What’s a girl to do with these guys?

Fleet – Shove This Guy

Saturday, October 26th, 2013

Meet ENEMAN- Fleet Enema’s spokes character. Yes, puzzled observers, it’s a man dressed up like an enema container, with hands and feet. Although he’s not seen on TV (thankfully) he does make appearances at store openings, sporting events, and (possibly) alternative sex meetings.

Who’s the distinguished actor inside the costume? Fleet won’t say – butt one suspects it is not Dustin Hoffman.

What State Is Vaudeville In?

Saturday, October 26th, 2013

Take Henny Youngman - please!

“She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.”

‘At the airport, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York and one to Los Angeles” She said, “We can’t do that!” I said, “Why?  You did it last week!”

“I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.”

“The more I think of you, the less I think of you.”

“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”


She Shot Herself

Friday, October 25th, 2013

ishotmyself.com

Obamacare’s SURGE?

Friday, October 25th, 2013

Obamacare needs a shot in the arm (or a shot in the head, according to some) to fix its overwhelmingly disastrous web site bugs. So the administration is gathering a herd of high-priced techies to do the emergency repair work.  O’s calling the effort a “Surge” to get it up and running.

A SURGE!?

Are they crazy?  Are they just crazy!? Won’t the term “surge” remind people of the  Afghanistan Troop Surge agreed by most to be a complete failure?  It ended about a year ago and left that country in a worst state than when it began including about 900-dead American troops.  Don’t take my word for it – here’s a military assessment of the disaster: /2012/09/surge-report-card/

When it came to picking names for major campaigns, W Bush’s people were no geniuses either.  When we were about to invade Iraq, they named the effort “Operation Iraqi Liberation” – until someone pointed out the unfortunate acronym for that term was OIL.  The name was quickly changed to “Operation Iraqi Freedom.”

And The Booby Prize Goes To The …

Friday, October 25th, 2013

Looking for that perfect gift for the Ms.? You know the one that’s sexy but not slutty?  Romantic but still practical?  Have we got an idea for you!  From their web page:

“The Emergency Bra (EBra) is a protective garment that can be easily transformed into two respiratory face masks to reduce inhalation of harmful airborne particles when specialized protective devices are not immediately available after natural disasters, attacks,  or accidents.”

“The EBra is like any other conventional bra in terms of its main function which is to support the breasts. It can be worn regular, strapless, or criss-cross and also can be used as a nursing bra.  The EBra comes with an instructional brochure.”

Think of it! As those around her are coughing and dying from a toxic gas attack, your special lady will whip off her bra, put a cup over her face, and think of what a wonderful lover she has!  Only $29.99 US


Some Professional Photographers Just Suck

Thursday, October 24th, 2013

awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Kiss My Bling

Thursday, October 24th, 2013

The Bishop of Limburg, Germany, Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst, 53, spent money like a drunken Congressman  before his next election. Named the “Bishop of Bling” by the German media, Bishop Elst was suspended this week by the Vatican for monetary excesses and abuses.

Pope Francis, known for his frugality and lack of pretension, was taken aback when he learned Elst spent $42-million US dollars on the renovation of his official residence and related compound buildings. The original estimate was about $7-million.

Germans citizens must pay a tax to the Church and were outraged by the excessive costs and over-the-top luxuries.  Hundreds quit the diocese and complained to Rome.  They were already disgusted when they learned Elst took a first-class flight to India to visit the poor – and then lied about it to the press.

When the Bishop was called back to Rome, he was forced to fly Economy Class and then stayed in a “very modest”  hotel for a week before meeting with the Pope.

Bishop Bling's estate.

Fair, Balanced, and Gay

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013

Shep Smith is the worst case scenario for the traditionalist crowd. He’s been one of the most recognizable faces on Fox News since it went on the air in 1996.  And he’s gay.  So what’s the big deal?

There is no big deal – and that’s the biggest fear among anti-gay people.  Smith just shrugs his shoulders, expounds his way-right, conservative views, and professionally does his job.  He doesn’t make a big thing out of his lifestyle.  He’s – can I say it? – “normal” – and easily fits into straight society – just like the vast majority of gay people.

Anti-gay dweebs fight hard to make homosexuality “an abomination” and not acceptable to mainstream America.  They belch their paranoid fears about teachers, priests, and scoutmasters being gay and influencing straight kids.  Traditionalists love pointing out nude flamers with balloons and day-glo painted “parts” marching in San Francisco’s Gay Day parade. They don’t want to tell you that the next day many of these same queens go to work as lawyers, bankers, and analysts in regular suits. Putting things in proper perspective is not part of the anti-gay agenda.

The simple facts are the sky is blue, water is wet, and some people are gay.  And problems about gay rights could be easily solved if all these straight parents would just stop having gay kids!