Archive for October 30th, 2013

On Halloween, Arthritic Mr. Peanut …

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013


Is Going As A Drunken Raisin.

“Gin soaked raisins, an ancient folk remedy for relieving arthritic pain, have been improved by the development of the DrunkenRaisin for both flavor and possible anti-inflammatory effect.  Arthritis pain caused by inflammation has long been reported to experience relief by eating 8-9 gin soaked raisins each day.  By adding honey and high quality imported cinnamon, DrunkenRaisins has raised the bar for effective relief.

Alleviating pesky and painful arthritis discomfort has never tasted better! DrunkenRaisins is happy to provide our customers with gin soaked raisins to help reduce the discomfort associated with arthritis.”

drunkenraisins.com

Freak The Kids – Carve A Pepper!

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013


Put a little scare back into Halloween! Carved orange pumpkins are so boring, the kids might fall asleep on your porch.  Use your imagination!  Hell, the night is supposed to be at least a little scary, so do some edgy stuff before the little beggars get their treats.

Hook up speakers and blast the little superheros onto your lawn with extremely loud screams and groans.  Make sure the sounds aren’t playing constantly – wait until a new group arrives before hitting ‘play’.  A hooked up microphone can really add to the fun.

Hand out wrapped candy with fake, blood-dripping hands.  Come to the door with guts hanging from your mouth. And smile – don’t make a thing of it.  Talk to people who aren’t there and act very afraid.  Crawl to the door and give out treats lying down.  Carry a shovel and put your spouse on your back – seriously ask the kids to help you bury the body.

Ask them to bow their heads a moment before getting the treats because it was exactly one-year ago that your nephew, Joe Bagadonuts, had his throat slit on this very porch. Make sure there are adequate blood stains all over the stoop.  Come to the door crying and sobbing uncontrollably.

Do you want to REALLY repulse them?  For a treat, give them an apple or carrot.