Archive for October 5th, 2013

Letter Rip

Saturday, October 5th, 2013

There are only two things in life for which we constantly hope and dream, and then, even after our illusions have been continually squished like sidewalk worms after a spring rain – we begin again.

One is Love. The other is Mail.

“Mail come?”

“Did you get the mail?”

“Mail here yet?

After years of disappointments – for six days a week, we still hope there will be some significant prize in our Cracker Jack mail boxes – even though Reality is doubled over in laughter at our stupid dreams.

Here’s a little test for you postal junkies: the next time you’re SUPPOSED to get the mail – don’t. Put it off a bit. Don’t worry about tragedy – emergencies come over the phone. Try to ride out the craving – use your rational thinking process. You know one letter’s too many and a hundred letters aren’t enough.

Just ignore the damn mail for a day or two – really. Three days is kind of pushing it. If you’re not on vacation – and you don’t get your mail for three days – Postmen and Postwomen are trained to “tell someone.”

And then “someone” will come sniffing under your door. They’ll think you’re either strange . . . or dead.

Call OBAMACARE

Saturday, October 5th, 2013

It spells WHAT?!!

You’ll probably think this is a prank but I don’t know. It’s a working number for ‘Obamacare-exchange-rates-facts-compared healthcare-gov-pros-and-cons.’ The number is 1-800-318-2596.  Spelled out, it’s

1-800-F1UCK YO

Call and choose the first option for OBAMACARE.  The second choice is a sex dating site.

Instant Psychoanalysis

Saturday, October 5th, 2013