Archive for August 11th, 2013

Eating Swedish Meatballs

Sunday, August 11th, 2013

The Unofficial Mascot for the Society for Cutting Up Men - S.C.U.M.*

If you’re a guy swimming around Sweden – it’s a good idea to keep your bathing suit on. The pacu, the pirana’s nasty cousin, is a real ball buster.  The freshwater fish can grow up to 3-feet and weigh 30-pounds.  Nicknamed “the ball cutter” for its attacks on the male genitalia, pacu’s have been sighted everywhere from Scandinavia to South America to lakes in Texas which put a $100 bounty on their heads.

Why do pacu’s go after mens’ balls?

“They bite because they’re hungry and testicles sit nicely in their mouth,” said Henrik Carl, a fish expert at the Danish Museum. “And its mouth is not so big, so of course it normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target. In some countries, such as Papua New Guinea, some men have had their testicles bitten off.”

So how did a fish native to the fresh waters of the Amazon River end up in Scandinavian seawaters?  They couldn’t swim the Atlantic of course so they were probably dumped by aquarium owners when they grew too big.  And why did they grow so big?  The damn fish will eat just about anything from soup … (wait for it) … to nuts.

I personally will not swim in any water that’s not heavily chlorinated and in which I can see the bottom.  Some people think that may be bad for me but compared to having a surprise aquatic vasectomy, it seems just fine.

*Remember S.C.U.M.?  Click here.