Archive for July, 2013

“It’s Like Santa For Your Vagina”

Wednesday, July 31st, 2013

Remember your first period? Chances are it was scary, secret, and heavy-duty serious if not downright grim.  A new ad, applauded by women everywhere, takes a very different approach.  It’s for a monthly tampon-delivery company called “Hello Flo” and you can see it here.

She’s Tall – That’s All

Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

At Least He Didn’t Call Them Wetbacks

Monday, July 29th, 2013

“For every one (young Hispanic) who’s a valedictorian, there’s another hundred out there who weigh a hundred and thirty pounds—and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling seventy-five pounds of marijuana across the desert. Those people would be legalized with the same act.”

–Congressman Steve King (R-Iowa) July 18, 2013

Rep. Steve King is, uh, refreshing. In an age when all of our politicians have perfect hair, gleaming teeth, and smiling sound bites, King is a great example of good-ol’-boy, white trash with hayseeds in his ears.  He’s the most outspoken critic of immigration in the Republican Party and he’s been re-elected in Iowa 5-times.

Republican leaders who chew with their mouths closed were embarrassed by his dumb comments.  They know if their party ever wants to be anything other than a bunch of backseat obstructionists, they must be at least a little sensitive to Hispanic-Americans.  Many may feel the same way as King but they know better than to sound like 1950’s Southern politicians stumbling over the word “Nigras.”

King’s “facts” have been disputed here by people who do not suffer nitwits well.

Take Two Aspirin And Don’t Call Me Again

Monday, July 29th, 2013

"We just had oral sex but I think I'm pregnant."

The next time you go to a doctor’s office, look around the waiting room. About one out of four of the patients has absolutely nothing wrong with him.  He comes from a massive group of hypochondriacs the medical profession calls “The Worried-Well.”  He doesn’t have a significant ache, pain, cough, twinge. rash, lump, fever, itch, sore, food intolerance, infection or disease.  He stresses over maladies he made up in his mind  – sometimes even producing physical symptoms which confirm his fears.

The Worried Well want doctors to give them scripts, shots, pills, tests, scans, and anything else the medical profession has to prove that something’s wrong with them.  They’ve already diagnosed themselves from rumors, old wives tales, the evening news, and internet self-diagnostic sites.  And if doctors miss a serious illness, their medical malpractice insurance will hit them like a heart attack.

How does this affect you?  Besides rocketing your health care premiums, programs like Medicare, Medicaid, and Obamacare could topple into insolvency from the burden of unnecessary claims.  Sadly millions of lonely people, many of them seniors, know their doctors will talk to them – usually without a charge. How can we change this situation in a humane way?

I have no idea.

Society For Cutting Up Men (SCUM)

Sunday, July 28th, 2013

The cover says it all.

SCUM was a radical, man-hating, feminist group started in 1968. There’s still some question if it was real, really political, or just really funny.  It’s Manifesto argues that men have ruined the world and that women should take over society once they’ve eliminated the guys.  Of course they would have to save their sperm which, to me, kind of defeats the purpose.  “Keep-them-in-their-place” males have actually used SCUM quotes in their arguments as representative of feminists!  Who’s crazier in that mix?

From WikiPedia: “the SCUM Manifesto generated a range of reactions, including that it was utopian, feminist, pre-feminist, crusading, embarrassing, irreverent, funny, outrageous, and satiric but not a put-on.” My favorite part is that men are so obsessed with sex, “they’d cross a river of snot and vomit if there was a friendly pussy on the other side.”  Of course that’s true but euuuu……….

SCUM’s founder, Valerie Solanus, had some sort of creative dispute with that symbol of hunky male meat: Andy Warhol.  She ended the discussion by shooting him.  He lived – she got 3-years – and life went on.  Over the years there have been movies, books, and even a rock group based on the organization – you can find them all on Google if you have nothing better to do.

To read as much SCUM as you can, click here.

No Torture Or Execution of Snowden – Promise

Saturday, July 27th, 2013

We might, however, dump him in Guantanamo forever.

It’s hard to read the headline. “US Justice Department Promises Not To Torture Or Execute Snowden.”  I wouldn’t be surprised if that promise had come from some banana boat republic or fanatical Islamic state but it didn’t – it came from the United States.

Remember when America stood for justice, freedom, and individual rights? When our country was looked to as a great symbol of democracy?  Today, largely because of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and spying on its own citizens, the world no longer sees us as a champion of freedom.

Bush and Cheney started this torture, drone, and snooping business but Obama turned up their volumes and he’s been responsible now for five years. Edwin Snowden, the former National Security Agency contractor who blew the whistle on classified U.S. phone and Internet surveillance programs, is now charged with espionage. The Justice Department is mad-dog raging to drag him back here.  They’ve painted him as an evil traitor who has endangered the safety of the United States.

Have you noticed how cleverly our government turned the story around to Snowden and buried the real issue of citizens’ privacy and individual rights?  Of course they needed the help of our fourth branch of government, the mainstream media Propaganda Ministry.

There’s much more about the Justice Department’s pleas to Russia here.

What About MRS. Carlos Danger* ?

Friday, July 26th, 2013

In the most recent Carlos Dangerfield episode, people have been babbling about Anthony Weiner’s wife: – how pathetic – a weak woman clinging on to someone who doesn’t love her – being used and abused in public, blah, blah, blah.  I think that’s all horseshit.  It’s also an indication of how superficial America is.

Has anyone considered that Ms. Weiner might NOT EVEN CARE what Tony Baloney does sexually? He may even have her permission! I’m sure this smart, professional woman wishes she had a more intelligent, less-embarrassing husband but that surely doesn’t mean they have a traditional, Norman Rockwell marriage.

Many people have non-traditional marriages.  We just don’t know about them.  This one may be based on companionship, a deep feeling that their kids should have a Mother and Dad, or even (hear me, Hillary?) political expediency.  We don’t know if Ms. Weiner has a more important, mutually agreed-upon lover to whom she turns for love and physical intimacy.  Actually, I hope she does.  But do you know what?


* “Carlos Danger” is the ridiculous name Anthony Weiner used for his electronic, sexual escapades.

Killing “My Way”

Friday, July 26th, 2013

Karaoke is big in the Philippines. In America, it’s often performed by a staggering drunk trying to sing to the machine with a mike in one hand, a bottle in another, and intoxicated with mad delusions of talent.  You’d better not try that in the Philippines which takes its karaoke seriously – sometimes, deadly seriously.

Karaoke machines are all over the nation in streets, grocery stores, and sometimes, even standing alone on country roads.  Unfortunately, all of this singing is not universally appreciated by everyone in the country – not even by other karaoke singers.  Arguments, brawls, stabbings, fights, and even an occasional murder are common.

The reasons? People criticizing others’ singing, alcohol, crowding, and machismo all contribute to the chaos.  But the unquestioned leading cause of the killings is Frank Sinatra’s classic hit, “My Way” – and no one seems to know the reason why.  Many karaoke bars have eliminated the song from their play books and most singers won’t even try to warble it.

Imagine, old Blue Eyes can still start a barroom brawl years after his death.

Deaths-by-karaoke are not limited to the Philippines. In the last two years,  a Malaysian man was fatally stabbed for hogging the microphone at a bar and a man from Thailand murdered eight people after the group sang John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads.”

Now, I can understand the Thai man – but the rest seem mighty strange.

(BTW: Orange was Frank Sinatra’s favorite color.)

Jesus Must Be So Proud

Thursday, July 25th, 2013

"Stay on your own side, goddamnit!"

One of Christianity’s holiest churches, built over the birthplace of Jesus Christ in Bethlehem, became the scene of an ugly fight recently between brawling, broom-wielding monks.

It happens almost every year.

The ancient Church of the Nativity is cleaned annually by three Christian denominations — Catholics, Armenians and Greek Orthodox.  Each group tidies up a section of the church and the brawling erupts when a monk from one faith starts sweeping outside of his assigned area.  Palestinian security forces – anticipating the melee – rushed in to break it up.

My favorite Biblical passage quotes Jesus as saying “Take the plank out of thine own eye.” Maybe he meant ‘broom.’

Can Weiner Pull It Off Again?

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

Anthony Weiner (D. New York) was exposed for a second time! The former Congressman was sexting (sending sexual pictures of himself on a social medium) in 2011.  After denying the incriminating photos, he admitted they were his and resigned in June of that year.  A few months ago he announced he was running for Mayor of New York City.  BUT new recent photos of him keying his parts popped up AGAIN.  Now he says he’s not dropping out of the race.

New Yorkers will forgive just about anything in politics – greed, corruption, scandal, and everything else with which we’ve become familiar.  But let’s hope we won’t forgive stupidity – times TWO!