Archive for June, 2013

Romantic Pornography

Sunday, June 30th, 2013

Most women like some sort of porn. It’s not necessarily images from magazines nor on the internet or found in adult shops. It’s rarely anything like mens porn.  Womens porn is softer, more subtle, and yes – sorry guys – often romantic.  Rarely does it have animals or extras or dildoes or ropes and chains.

This woman’s site has put up dozens of sexually-oriented pictures and asked women to click on those they like.  Those numbers are lightly flashed on the photos to give you an idea of how many women like each one.

It’s not scientific nor surprising but it’s a good reminder for men that their fantasies may best be left in their heads.

English Spoken Here

Sunday, June 30th, 2013

I love my Hispanic friends and their beautiful families and culture. I  would also love it if they learned English and spoke it to their children exclusively.  Language is the glue that binds together a country of many different nationalities.  We may not look the same, listen to the same music, nor eat the same foods – but if we can’t easily communicate with each other using a common language, how can we stand together as a nation?

My grandparents knew this when they came to America at the turn of the last century.  They learned English to get into schools, apply for jobs, and become citizens.  They were very proud when they learned how to speak English well.

Today in America we have many sophisticated means of teaching children our language.  We have PBS television, the internet, and talking games that could make it fun to learn the language.  We have excellent teachers and two and a half months of empty schools that could be devoted to preschool English lessons.

Today US Voter Registration forms come in 11-different languages!  How can someone make an intelligent election decision if they can’t speak English?  Or is that the point?

I hope my Latino friends know this idea is not an insult to their language or culture.  Instead it is a welcoming hand that says, “We respect our differences but we ask you join us to form a stronger America.  How may we help you get onboard?”

Take A Left At The Cervix

Saturday, June 29th, 2013
No GPS to the ‘G.’

Can we bring the friggin’ diagram? Will the woman hold it?  That is, will she hold this picture for us?  She obviously shouldn’t “hold it” in the sense of not going to the bathroom.  The cutaway clearly spells out ‘emptied bladder.’  And I assume the ‘ejaculation exit’ is for her ejaculation – not ours, guys.  Will her ejaculate know where to go (or come) without the diagram?

The G-Spot is the theoretical trigger for female orgasm – supposedly – sometimes – at least for some women.  Last year, the Journal of Sexual Medicine declared that a semiretired Florida gynecologist “discovered” it on the body of an 83-year old woman cadaver.  I personally thought there were more than one to go around.

But the G-Spot has been known to exist for 50-years, right?  They’re not exactly like Bigfoot sightings – nor honest Congressmen.

My friend in the adult entertainment industry, Ginger Lynn, starred in a film, “The Grafenberg Spot” in 1985.  She finally found her G-Spot about halfway through the movie.  Ginger should have found her ‘G’ – there certainly were enough people looking for it.

The US Will Be Successful In Egypt …

Friday, June 28th, 2013

… When The Sphinx Sings

Thousands of Egyptians are preparing for a mass protest this weekend to oust the U.S. government-backed Muslim Brotherhood regime of Mohamed Morsi. We’re sending hundreds of US troops for “peacekeeping” purposes to the country.  Good idea, Obama.  You and Hillary have employed this same interventionist strategy repeatedly in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Syria, Yemen, and other Mideast countries.

The results are always the same: a hatred of the US by hundreds of millions of Muslims and the best terrorist-recruiting drives the maniacs have ever seen.  Good job, guys!

Is It Just Me?

Friday, June 28th, 2013

Graduating From Russian High School

Thursday, June 27th, 2013


Sale On Paula Deen Cookware

Wednesday, June 26th, 2013

At Walmarts

A List Of All The People Who’ve Never Used The N – Word Their Entire Lives:

1. Mark Furman





Paula Deen is:

Wednesday, June 26th, 2013

__ a. A hateful but well-respected academic anthropologist who studied human civilization for 40-years and came to the conclusion that Black people can be called derogatory names.  Or

__ b. An uneducated, unsophisticated, older Southern woman who found she had a talent for cooking which she’s managed to parlay into a multimillion dollar business.

Ah America … celebrity-worshiping has its costs.  We turn our heroes into superhuman, perfect beings and then get angry when they act like imperfect people.  I don’t think anyone should use the word ‘nigger’ – starting with those ugly, women-hating, hip-hopping rappers who’ve confused their young fans on what’s acceptable language.

Paula Deen has recognized her past mistakes and apologized.  Apology accepted Ms. Deen – now please get back into that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans.

Seaway? I Thought You Said Seafood!

Tuesday, June 25th, 2013

Saint Lawrence is the Patron Saint of Cooking. Admittedly, he’s not on the Rock Star List of Roman Catholic Saints like Peter, Paul, and Mary – but he’s right up there because he’s a martyr.

In the third century, Catholics were being whacked like drone targets and those in their immediate vicinity.  Most were beheaded or burned at the stake.  But Saint Lawrence was roasted alive on a grill – which was ‘rare’ in those times.

He had a macabre sense of humor.  As he was being burned alive on the red-hot metal, he said “I’m roasted on this side. If you want me well done, it’s time to turn me over.”

How he got from the grill to the Table of Saints under ‘Cooking’ must be a funny story – but the Roman Canon doesn’t say.

“Hello, Mohammed?”

Monday, June 24th, 2013

“Achmed –  you’ve called 16-times this week! I told you; the Americans are counting our calls!  Why didn’t you use the other phone?”

“I forgot the number.”

“I told you the number at least 4-times!  Why can’t you remember it?”

“You told me not to write it down.  Anyway, remember the third half-screw…in the  – uhh – yellow rose of the flower arrangement?  Well, I dropped it.”

“Achmed – what the hell are you talking about!?  Look, I’m only going to explain this one more time. The Americans have a computer and they’re adding up all the calls between Muslim numbers and American Muslims.”

“Do you mean every time my Aunt Aiskha calls her son Malika to see if he fasted that day, the American government listens in?”


“I thought Americans had rights against that.”

“Noooo…Americans had rights like that BEFORE Bush’s Patriot Act – they don’t anymore.”

“But Obama is President now.  Didn’t they get those rights back?”

“Noooo … Obama signed an extension of that act and even more!”

“Well, I’m glad the Americans are listening to Aunt Aiskha.”


“Because nobody else will!”