Archive for May, 2013

Watch Out For Paranoids!

Friday, May 31st, 2013


Why Aren’t Gun Owners Denouncing Letters?

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

"Look - another one from a typical gun-owner."

I know many people who are against more anti-gun legislation. They might write a letter-to-the-editor but they would never even consider sending a poison letter to a public official. Of course one wacko did.  He sent letters that contained threats and ricin to Mayor Bloomberg of New York City and another to a lobbyist who works on his gun control campaign.

So why don’t we hear gun legislation opponents condemning this attack? Why aren’t responsible gun owners on the media loudly declaring ‘we oppose gun control legislation but we believe acts like this are horrific. This nut does not represent gun owners!’

These are some of the same people who scream that Muslims should be everywhere denouncing terrorist attacks even though they are as far removed from terrorists as responsible gun owners are from this nitwit.

Swim in hypocrisy much?

I wrote more about this before:

Mormon Mom & Mexican Madness

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

Beautiful Acapulco is one of the most dangerous cities in the world in one of the most dangerous countries in the world.

There are hundreds of thousands of TONS of marijuana smuggled into the United States through our sieve-like border every year. It travels by airplanes, steamships, tunnels, cargo trains, and big rig trucks.  The Mexican-American border is also one of the most corrupt boundaries between countries in the world.  Pay-offs to border guards, Mexican officials, patrols, and police are as common as beans in rice.

That’s why it’s absurd that a Mormon mother of 7 is now rotting in a Mexican prison cell accused of smuggling 12 pounds of pot into the US. The woman, Yanira Maldonado, 42, of Arizona said she never even smoked pot much less smuggled it. The Mexican-born woman and her husband were returning to Arizona after a relative’s funeral. Witnesses said they did not see the Maldonados carrying extra packages onto the bus.

“Blind mule smuggling” is common through the Mexican border and a good possibility in this case.  Low level street dealers choose Americans who are least likely to be stopped by the border patrol, hide pot in their cars without their knowledge, and also plant a GPS transmitter.  Their accomplices in America then break into the car after it arrives at its destination in the US.

Clueless Americans should consider an alternative to a vacation spot in Mexico.  Any state in the Southwest has the same sun, heat, food, desert, charm, cacti – plus many of the people don’t speak English. And it’s safer.

Are You Sirius?

Wednesday, May 29th, 2013

"Coming Mrs. Barrington!"

Heather and Adam Barrington of Charlotte, North Carolina are expecting a baby in July. After reading “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life” (available at Amazon for $20.24) they decided to go to Hawaii so dolphins can assist in the birth of their child.

Dolphins, you say?

The couple flew to Hawaii to begin the months-long preparation for the birth.  Presumably the dolphins are already there. The Barringtons are being supported by the Sirius Institute, a research group which is dedicated to  “dolphinizing” the planet. This means the integration of the Cetacea (dolphins and whales) into our culture as we raise our level of consciousness to be more like theirs.”

In Sirius Institute dolphin-attended births, “free dolphins” are used – not animals kept in captivity. That’s why pregnant women have to bond for months with pods near “coastal areas throughout the islands where dolphins come close to shore.”

Science writer Christie Wilcox, however, says “this has to be, hands down, one of the worst natural birthing ideas anyone has ever had.”  She went on to say that though dolphins are frequently friendly toward humans, they’ve also attacked people with basically no warning. AND they also might try to rape you. Uh-oh.

There’s no truth to the rumor that the Barringtons will name their child ‘Flipper.’

For a better birthing experience – having your child with multiple orgasms – go here:

The Barbie Frustration Complex

Tuesday, May 28th, 2013


Don’t Ever Break Up With Lily Allen

Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

“Not Big”
Now listen I think you and me have come to the end of our time,
What do you want some kind of reaction?
Well, OK, that’s fine,
Alright, how would it make you feel if I said you never made me cum?
In the year and a half that we spent together,
Yeah, I never really had much fun.

All those times that I said I was sober,
Well I’m afraid I lied,
I’d be lying next to you, you next to me,
All the while I was high as a kite.
I could see it in your face as you break it to me gentle,
Yeah, you really must think you’re great,
Let’s see how you feel in a couple of weeks,
When I work my way through your mates.

I never wanted it to end up this way,
You’ve only got yourself to blame,
I’m gonna tell the world you’re rubbish in bed now
And that you’re small in the game.

I saw you thought this was gonna be easy,
Well, you’re out of luck.
Yeah, let’s rewind, let’s turn back time to when you couldn’t get it up,
You know what it should’ve ended there,
That’s when I should’ve shown you the door.
As if that weren’t enough to deal with,
You became premature.

I’m sorry if you feel that I’m being kinda mental,
But you left me in such a state.
But now I’m gonna do what you did to me,
Gonna reciprocate.


Where In The Constitution Does It Say …

Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

"America's ready to fight with you Muslix!"

… that a war-loving, pot-bellied, short-tempered, US Senator can go to another war-torn Mideast sovereign nation and stick America’s nose into the conflict? What happened to the President and Secretary of State?

Are the Syrians attacking our country?  Are they dropping bombs over Kansas towns or shooting at our ships? Do we know a good Muslim from a bad one – and for our sakes, what the hell’s the difference anyway?

Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) never met a war he didn’t like. He visited Libya before we jumped into that conflict and has given undying support to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  He was overly bellicose on Iran developing a nuclear weapon, North Korea shooting a few into the sea, and pushing us to choose the wrong side in Egypt.

A U.S. Senate panel, with McCain leading the charge, voted to send weapons to rebels fighting the Syrian government. The Pentagon isn’t so sure.  It fear’s Syria has the ability to shoot down enemy aircraft with surface-to-air missiles, particularly in a sustained campaign.  Exactly what would we do then?

Americans are tired of these Mideast Muslim wars which have been going on for thousands of years without us.  They’ll continue to go on after we leave – just like Iraq and Afghanistan. The only big difference is another round of American body bags and $Trillions of dollars wasted.  McCain can’t see it though.  When you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

I Love You, Fructose

Monday, May 27th, 2013

I was looking at a jar of honey last night and I began to think of all the nicknames lovers have for each other that are “sweet.”
To me they are CORNY (not high fructose corn syrup) and funny – but common.  Then I went to Google and saw too many more – some not so sweet.  It’s not that they were filled with other taste sensations like bitter, sour, and salty – they were just … well, strange.

Here are some sweeties:

Suga’pie Honey Bun
Sugar Britches
Sugar Lips
Sugar Mama
Sugar Muffin
Sugar Pie
Sugar Plum
Sugar Puff
Sugar Puss
Honey Bun
Honey Bunny
Honey Cakes
Honey Pants

I  hope you aren’t offended when I say these are borderline, barf bag love labels but I do know one thing. If I ever called some women with whom I’ve gone out “Honey Pants,” they may have gotten physical – and not in the way I had hoped.

A Vietnam Vet Looks At Memorial Day

Monday, May 27th, 2013

Joe Belle-Isle is a Vet who comments frequently on my posts.  Although his views are a little ‘out there’ sometimes, he’s always welcome here.  Joe, thank you for your service.

by Joseph Belle-Isle

When I was a kid, there was a fireworks display every Memorial Day. The adults, many of them immigrants, were CELEBRATING the fact they made it through W.W.II and the Depression. And they proudly flew the flag because they knew it symbolized the fallen soldiers who made their survival possible.

Last night I saw an old photo of one of our soldiers’ cemeteries from W.W.II. There was a sea of perfectly-aligned monuments representing our soldiers who died in battle. Of course Christians got crosses on their stones, Jewish soldiers got Stars-of-David,  Muslim soldiers got symbols of Islam, and I understand, today the VA even has symbols for Wicans and atheists.  The point is, you don’t have to be a Christian to fight and die for America.  And I kind of think that’s what the country is always fighting for: Freedom for EVERYONE.

When I looked at that photo, I saw a lot more than orderly, clean head stones. I “saw” the screaming and the blood and the noise and the bombs and sometimes the lack of food and ammunition.  I “saw” the horror that each man under every symbol felt when he realized that ‘this is it – so maybe I’ll just charge into death for a cause – so someone else will be free’.

This year, when you fire up the grill and set off the fireworks, I hope you’ll remember to bow your head for a second and think about why your kids are playing in the glow of freedom. Maybe they’re even old enough so you can explain it to them.

Today let’s CELEBRATE and enjoy America’s freedom! And please remember the Vets who made it all possible for you – and even for the people who forget why we’re celebrating.

Looks Good, Donut?

Sunday, May 26th, 2013

Deep-fried pieces of potato fat are the vegetables.

Many Americans are sick to death of being told, “Be healthy! Don’t eat that!  Exercise!” After years of listening to this crap, a rebellion was bound to occur – this IS America after all.  One of the best “I’ll eat what I damn well please!” grenades is a Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich by Dunkin’ Donuts.

This mouth-watering, finger-lickin’ delight features a pepper fried egg topped with plenty of bacon on a sugar-glazed, yeast ring donut.  It’s designed to be eaten with one hand in your car as you race commuters to work on the freeway.  The other hand can be used to gulp down your monster cup of hot, caffeine-fueled coffee – “what America runs on.”

You can even finish your breakfast with a cigarette as you speed to the cemetery.

Caffeine is a drug and you’re just one more junkie: