Archive for March, 2013

In Memory of “TG”

Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

“TG” the Cat passed away yesterday but left wonderful memories and a great story. Years ago, my friend Lee went to visit a man who’s friend Tony died and left a kitten named “Scorpio.”  In his grief, the friend sent Scorpio to Lollypop Farm, a local animal shelter.

Lee was horrified.  She didn’t even know Tony had a cat because his building didn’t allow pets.  She quickly called the shelter and rescued Scorpio.  Never being shy about her opinions, Lee thought “Scorpio” was a dumb name and renamed her “Tony’s Girl” (TG for short) in memory of the cat’s first owner.

TG lived a loved life for 15-years with Lee and her husband Paul.  Some people might say TG had some lousy breaks in having a person who died and then being dumped in an animal shelter.  However I can tell you for sure, TG knew she was one of the luckiest cats in the world.

Good News Law-Abiding Killers: It’s 10 Again

Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

Mass murderers in New York State are confused. The ban on rifle magazines holding more than seven bullets was set to start April 15. If you wanted to kill more than seven people with one magazine, you had to do it before then. The 7-bullet count has now been suspended “indefinitely” so the Governor’s budget can pass.

Bullet clips are only manufactured in 10- and 15-round sizes. Murderers were supposed to load them with only 7-bullets. Who would have counted the number of bullets loaded?  That part wasn’t made clear in the bill.

Since enforcing the 7-bullet limit wasn’t included, the NYS Legislature kind of counted on killers to police themselves I guess.  It actually may have worked in some cases.  Before he killed anyone, a mass murderer may have remembered NYS gun laws and died laughing.

God Said WHAT!?

Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

No quee-uhs!

How does it feels to be on the same side of the gay marriage issue as the Westboro Baptist Church? Those are the religious nitwits who protest at Veterans’ funerals to show God’s displeasure with gays in the military.  They wave their trademark “God Hates Fags!” signs with one hand and clutch their Bibles with the other.

The Pat Robertson-like people bellowing against gay marriage today in front of the Supreme Court aren’t too far from that. Oh sure,  Pat’s people have a few more teeth and wear shoes – but he did say legalizing gay marriage starts us on the slippery slope that could lead to “sex with ducks.”  My favorite women singers did a music video for that on which you can click below.

50-years ago interracial marriage was banned in many of our states.  It took a Supreme Court decision (LOVING v. VIRGINIA, 388 U.S. 1 (1967)) to drag them into the 20th century.

Gay marriage will become legal eventually – it’s as inevitable as interracial marriage.  But it will become accepted only after a few old generations fart their last breaths of hatred – just like marriage between blacks and whites.  If Jesus meets these haters on the other side, they’ve got lots of ‘splaining to do.

www.youtube.com

 

Why The ’80’s Should Never Come Back

Monday, March 25th, 2013

Actually, Cindy Lauper and Pee-Wee Herman were some of the highlights.

Do You Believe In Magic?

Monday, March 25th, 2013

To believe the Warren Commission’s official conclusion on the assassination of John Kennedy, you MUST believe the Magic Bullet Theory. There are some people who do.

The wonderful Magic Bullet defies the laws of physics – that’s why it’s called “magic.”  In mid-flight, the projectile took two, hard turns, pierced the clothing, bones, skin, and muscles of two men – and then was found in nearly perfect condition on a stretcher at Parkland Hospital in Dallas.  According to all documentation, when the bullet was found, it had no thread striations, human blood or tissue residue on it. As a matter of fact, it only lost 1.5% of its weight on its extraordinary flight.


How can anyone believe this nonsense?  Two reasons: 1. some people can’t believe their government would lie to them, and 2. many JFK assassination conspiracy theorists are friggin’ loonies who just want to make money from this historic event.  I agree with the second reason – but that doesn’t rule out significant, logical, alternative theories.

If the day ever comes when I don’t believe the government lies to us, I’ll let you know.  That moment will be magic.

Not Your Father’s Geisha Anymore

Sunday, March 24th, 2013

Driven To Bad Taste Lately?

Sunday, March 24th, 2013

Click on picture to enlarge

India is the world’s largest democracy. It’s probably not coincidental that it also has some of the world’s most offensive advertising.  I know I have many Indian readers and I do not wish to offend them – but guys, some of your advertising sucks. It’s almost as bad as America’s.

The disturbing ad above was created by a large,  Indian ad agency for the FordFigo.  It shows the car’s large trunk space  and stars former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi with a few of his “sweeties” bound and gagged. Berlusconi was known for his lavish parties with young wild women.

Ford chose not to run the ad. Nor did it run the Paris Hilton ad with the same theme.  She was the driver and her reality-show competitors, the Kardashians, were tied up in the trunk.

To read about India’s WORST product ever, click here:

presentationsunplugged.com/

I Always Heard It Was Second-Hand Smoke

Sunday, March 24th, 2013

Scientists now believe the rocky object that wiped out dinosaurs 65 million years ago may have been a comet instead of an asteroid.

Coming And Going To The Gym

Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

32-33-34-ahhhh

When it comes to exercise classes, women are much more likely to come more often and exercise more diligently. Not necessarily in that order. Women don’t always workout to be healthier or for their men – some just do it for themselves.  And some REALLY do it for themselves.

It seems a number of women can experience a workout orgasm or  “coregasm” – right there on a mat – surrounded by other women – in a sweaty exercise class. This sometimes happens when they repetitively do knee lifts and leg lowering to make stronger their “core” –  the muscles in and around their mid section.  In addition to the obvious tightening and then relaxing of the  relevant muscles, coregasms are probably aided by endorphins and the comfort of being in the relaxing company of other women.

It also probably doesn’t hurt that “somebody” is not calling out his ex-lover’s name just before a particularly poignant moment.

Rescue the Dog – Euthanize the Owner

Friday, March 22nd, 2013

Will Elton be coming out?

A Jackson, Tennessee dog owner sent his pet to be euthanized because he suspected the dog was gay. The nitwit brought his dog to the Jackson Rabies Control Animal Shelter a few weeks ago because he saw his male pit bull “humping” another male dog.  Since the shelter is overcrowded, the dog was scheduled to be killed within a few days.  In reality, male dogs mount each other to express dominance, for play, or because of nervousness.

Although news reports did not give any details about the owner, I will gladly make some assumptions about the cretin.  I’ll guess the guy is heavily Christian, has the IQ of a can of peas, and, because he named the dog “ELTON,” he’s probably a screaming closet case.

Fortunately someone on Facebook heard of the dog’s plight and put a plea on the social network.  The dog was immediately adopted and is doing fine.  His new owner told ABC News “Elton is pretty friendly so far. He’s pretty scared of everything but he loved the car ride.”

There’s probably no truth to the rumor that Elton’s former owner is the leader of a Tennessee Boy Scout Troop.