Archive for March 3rd, 2013

Do You Know Where your Placenta Is?

Sunday, March 3rd, 2013
I hated looking at that bloody placenta.

Although essential for fetal life, after we’re born our lowly placenta is usually tossed like a used tissue. This wonderful, membraneous organ connects the developing fetus to the uterine wall to allow nutrient intake, waste elimination, and gas exchange via the mother’s blood supply. Unfortunately it looks like a dripping meal for a bit player in a zombie movie.

The only things worse than throwing away placentas are the alternatives. The most disturbing choice is eating one. Say what?! WHO EATS PLACENTAS?! You might guess some aborigine tribal-mamas egged on by shyster witch doctors – but you’d be wrong. The usual p-eaters are educated, upscale women who believe they get many positive physical benefits from eating them because they’re full of nutrients (although obviously recycled) and a natural life force.

These women also tell anyone who’ll listen – a very few I would guess – that the word ‘placenta’ comes from the Latin word for ‘cake.’  OK, then.

Only hardcore p-eaters (some with their husbands) sit down with a fork and knife and dive in. Really – a new placenta goes way beyond bloody ‘rare.’ Other women have it mixed into smoothies or send it to a company to be dried and repackaged into pills. Not hungry?  How about making it into jewelry or bronzing it? Here’s an upbeat website full of ideas:

Top 10 Things NOT to Say to a Man in Bed – Part I

Sunday, March 3rd, 2013

10. “Better wear a condom.  I don’t want to get HIV again.”

9. “I wasn’t laughing at that!”

8. “What the HELL are you doing down there?”

7. “Are you late for something?”

6. “Wanna map?”

5. “Do all white guys do that?”

4. “Give me a few seconds to think of someone.”

3. “Wow. I can really see your bald spot from this angle.”

2. “Aww…doesn’t Mr. Jimmy want to come out and play?”

1. “In yet?