Archive for January 14th, 2013

I Can Help You, Jodie!

Monday, January 14th, 2013

One of the world's most beautiful women.

Jodie Foster “came out” last night at the Golden Globe Awards show – sort of. I thought everyone knew she was gay.  Anyway, if she’s not satisfied with her sexual orientation, I think I may be able to help.  Two women with whom I’ve been intimate in the last few years changed their preference – and gave me a lot of the credit.  They went from straight to gay.  Maybe it could work the other way.

Remote Control Penis

Monday, January 14th, 2013

My gal-pal showed me this picture of an artificial penis. I have no idea why.

During a brief operation, the device is inserted into a non-working penile appendage. The pump on the right is repeatedly pushed through the scrotum to get the desired erection selection.  Now, don’t be dumb here.  “Little Johnny” is not going to grow into a John Holmes supercock no matter how many times you toodle your testes.  You just get what you had.  And I have no idea why there are two tubes pictured although the idea of having two penises is fascinating.

“Great,” I said, “but doesn’t pumping the tire kind of take away from the romance of the moment?” She rolled her eyes as I continued. “With today’s technology wouldn’t it be better to push a button on a remote for takeoff  – and then casually turn over and push another button for landing – so to speak?”

Thoughtful silence.

“I have a better idea,” she said, “What if the on-off switch was in a Clapper?  We’d have to change the name, of course – but besides that, it’s a great idea! Clap on – erection.  Clap off – over and out.”

I have to admit, I thought about it.

“Wait a minute, “ I said. “The Clapper won’t know who’s clapping.  The woman might clap and everything would go down.”

My friend smiled and silently nodded her head.