Archive for November 20th, 2012

Better A Hard Liar Than A Soft Porn Star

Tuesday, November 20th, 2012

Cortland County District Attorney Mark Suben was outraged! His election opponents accused him of being in pornographic movies in the 1970’s and he adamantly denied it.

Two weeks ago he was re-elected.  On Friday, Suben admitted he lied and denied the story just long enough to win re-election.  He said he used “bad judgement” – not in lying – but in acting in porn films when he was young. The Syracuse, New York media identified him as the actor “Gus Thomas” who performed in at least a dozen pornographic movies.

One of his forgettable on-screen performances was in “The Devil’s Due,” in which he played a satanic cult leader who tricked women into bondage sex. Among his lines: “I am the all-powerful! The spirit of Satan flows through my shaft!” and “You must kiss the cock of Satan!” Pretty strong stuff for a DA.

At one point in the film, the heroine screams at him,””You’re as powerful as your prick. Which is very little.” Ouch.

“The Devil’s Due” was not nominated for an Academy Award.  During his public confession Suben admitted he lied to win re-election and now doesn’t know what to do.

Hey buddy – don’t worry about it. The American voter is used to getting fucked.

"The devil made do it - really."


Our 11th Year In Afghanistan Drones On

Tuesday, November 20th, 2012

This Thanksgiving, Americans don’t have much for which to be thankful in Afghanistan. We know there’s a war going on there with over 70,000 US troops and 2000 killed – but nobody talks about it.  We just went through a year long election campaign and since all the candidates pretty much agreed about “our mission”, it was hardly mentioned at all.

Do Americans know that many of the Afghan people hate us and want us to leave?

Maybe we could start a slick public relations campaign to convince Afghans what good guys we are and how we want to help them.  Of course we’d have to do this by messenger and word-of-mouth since so many don’t know how to read and don’t have electricity anyway.

Oh well, Happy Thanksgiving our turban friends!  We give thanks for all the heroin you send us.