Archive for October 27th, 2012

“You’re Ugly Too”

Saturday, October 27th, 2012

I had my annual physical yesterday and my Doctor started by asking, “How do you feel generally?”

“Very good,” I said, “generally – but some mornings I wake up with strange pains.  Like my knee will hurt; or my back might ache.  I try to remember what I did to injure myself but I never can.”

“You’re just getting older.”

I started laughing. It reminded me of the old joke:  A guy gets a physical.  The Doctor says, “You’re too fat.”

“Hey!” says the guy, “I want a second opinion!”

“OK,” says the Doctor, “you’re ugly too.”

I’ll bet I’m older (62) than most of the people who read this blog. I’ll also bet I have more fun and more laughs  than most of you. OK – you all probably beat me in maturity, responsibility, and  intelligence but I’m having a good time!  I had a great time when I was “young” (maybe too good for most of it) but I’m still having a fine time right now.

My new favorite song is “I’m Glad I’m Not Young Anymore” by Maurice Chevalier in “Gigi”

I Hope Kids Make Out Tonight

Saturday, October 27th, 2012

WARNING: This post contains graphic descriptions of human sexuality.  Teenage discretion is advised for parents.

Parents don’t like to think about their teenage kids having sex. I understand that. We just get into trouble when they DENY their kids are having it.

“My little Susie doesn’t do THAT!” Right.  I used to know little Susie and she did do that – plus a lot of other stuff.  These kids aren’t getting pregnant and STD’s from the Tooth Fairy.  It’s time we accepted reality and help them make better choices.

People believe we have sex education in schools but what we mostly have are organ recitals.  A clear list of choices (including abstinence, “Sex IS NOT Love” and “How to Tell Your Boyfriend “No”) should be taught early. One of those choices should be outercourse.

Although definitions vary, outercourse is sex play without vaginal, anal, or oral penetration.  Outercourse can include bathing together, hot talk, erotic fantasy, spicy role-plays, sensual massage, mutual masturbation, and dry sex (aka: dry humping or frottage).

Outercourse is simple, convenient, and free and can satisfy both partners.  But the main advantages are there’s virtually no chance for unwanted pregnancies or diseases.

Skeptical?  Think kids will just slide into “home” without rounding first, second, and third base?  I don’t think so.  When the sexually-naive ones learn there are many other exciting, acceptable end options to intercourse, we’ll have fewer problems.

We should convince young girls that their boyfriends don’t have to hit “homers” right away and often just playing the other bases can be enough for a whole season or two or more.