Archive for October 26th, 2012

I Thought It Was Just An Acid Trip

Friday, October 26th, 2012

Rick Polito

My Vasectomy Scars Are Singing

Friday, October 26th, 2012

I rode the bus today and got my favorite seat – 1st row aisle in the balcony. Few people were on the bus so I thought I’d have a relaxing trip.  Wrong.  Sitting up front, a mother was trying to “reason” with her little 3-year old brat.

“Please sit in your seat, honey.”

“NOOOO!” (Really loudly.) “I WANT ELMO!”

Now I don’t know who Elmo is but I’m hoping he’s some pirate who doesn’t speak English, kidnaps bratty kids, and sells them to Arabs.

“C’mon, baby – sit up here with Mommy.”

“NOOOO!”  Then the little monster ran down the aisle, turned around, and ran back before jumping into the seat across from her mom.  Then she screamed.  The mother turned around to look at the other passengers.  At first I thought she was embarrassed.  Then I thought she was probably checking out who would call Child Protective Services if she beat the kid senseless.  Anyway, their fighting went on my whole ride and I started thinking about cats.

Now everyone knows kittens are much smarter than kids.  They go to the bathroom in the litter box as soon as the Mother Cat puts them in and demonstrates – once.  I think that would be a good parental guide: start disciplining your kids as soon as they can crawl into a litter box.  They’ll never be as smart as cats but you could at least give them early lessons in how to behave.

If Only She Could Make Sauce . . .

Friday, October 26th, 2012

This is my Aunt Carmella and her friend Danni wrestling at our last family reunion. Unfortunately Greco-Roman Freestyle Women Wrestling  was banned by the Olympics as a competitive sport in 1069 B.C.