Archive for October 23rd, 2012

Trump: “I Was O’s Secret Lover”

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

"Barry likes my hair up."

Donald Trump is set to make a “bombshell” announcement tomorrow that “will change the course of this election.” Even though another crackpot just revealed that “Obama sold cocaine in college,” Trump said HIS announcement is even BIGGER and will be “devastating” to the President’s election campaign.

Tomorrow Trump will reveal his homosexual relationship with Barrack Obama.

An unnamed source close to the Donald said the whole Trump staff is terrified of the disclosure. “Michelle is going to kick his ass all over town when she finds  out,” said one, “She’ll kill all of us.”

When told of the anticipated announcement, Richard Peckerwood of the gay rights committee “Who Else Can We Vote For?” groaned, “I think I’m going to be sick. If gender preference was a choice, I’d run back to my high school girlfriend!”

Although shocked by the news, a White House aid stated, “The President should just say, “I never had sex with that nitwit!’  Hell, it worked for Bill Clinton.”

Former Rib Roasts On Roof

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

Rachel Held Evans, a Christian feminist, chose a unique way to challenge the status-quo of women among Evangelical Christians. She lived “according to Biblical principles” for one year and then wrote a book about it. Evans wanted to see if  she could still live and work in today’s society applying the Bible’s rules of behavior for women.

For 12-months, Evans submitted to her husband whom she called “Master” (I knew this would get kinky,) made her own clothes and lived in a tent during her menstrual cycle. She always covered her head in public, gave up haircuts, and sometimes had to sit on the roof for penance.

Rachel’s main objective was to create a dialogue about women and their place in the church and society. (OK – it was also to make a lot of money selling  books.) Ms. Evans said she did this “to help women try to figure out what parts of the Bible should be taken literally, which shouldn’t, and how to decide.”

Her husband, a divinity student, said the experience was “difficult.”

Interesting side note: A number of militant fundamentalists picketed bookstores because Evans used the word “vagina.” Hey guys – what do you call it?

Erection Lasting Longer Than 4-Hours?

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

Note this optimistic angle.

You’ve got to hand it to the Cialis people. They take a supposed “health risk” – which is just about every guy’s sexual fantasy – and “warn” you about it every chance they get. The medical term for an erection which won’t go down is ‘priapism’ – and a medical dictionary is the closest I’ve ever come to it.

Priapism is supposed to be a serious medical emergency. So after 4-hours, you’re supposed to call your Doctor. I don’t think so! There’s a LONG list of women I would call first – since college….

“Laurie? This is Frank Paolo – right – Frank Paolo from college – remember? Yah, well remember that night after the feminist rally and you told me all men were pigs? And, I said I didn’t want to treat you just like a middle-class slut? Well, I really did, but I couldn’t, ya see..but NOW…uhhh, look, I’m only an hour and a half away from you…ya, I know it’s late but….. Laurie? Hello? Hello?”

“Pammy? Frank Paolo!……. Hello?”

“Elizabeth? Frank Paolo here. Yeh, really. Gosh – I was thinking about the silliest thing. Remember that night in New York and we were just lying there – and you looked down at me and said, “You can’t think of anyone else either, huh?” Well…yeh…that was pretty funny. I….you’re still laughing over that, huh? Yeh, me too. Well would you stop laughing for a minute here because ……”

“Dr. Johnson? Frank Paolo here. I took Cialis a few hours ago and I’m having some problems … ”