Archive for October 16th, 2012

Debating Sausage or Pepperoni?

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

Pizza Hut has created an advertising gimmick that’s hitting America like a pie in the face. It will give a “Free Pizza For Life” award to any audience member who stands up in tonight’s ‘town meeting’ presidential debate and asks, “On your pizza, do you like sausage or pepperoni?”

Debate purists are WAILING! Among the shrieks: “This demeans the democratic process!,” “There shouldn’t be advertising in a presidential debate!” and, my favorite, “This will make the candidates look silly!”

Hold up here, kids, take a breath of reality. Our democratic process has already been so corrupted by corporate and union campaign dollars it couldn’t be worse if our Constitution was tattooed on a hooker’s ass.  In the last MONTH, the Obama and Romney campaigns have taken in approximately $170-million EACH. Don’t you think contributors expect more than a few thousand boxes of coagulated, crispy crusts?

Candidates looking silly? We’ve already seen them shaking hands with Disney characters, stuffing their faces with tacos, perogies, chicken wings, and pizza. They pose with any Hollywood bimbo who’s tossed them a few bucks, ride elephants and camels, and try to dance. They drink beer and even deliver jokes on late night talk shows. If it meant more votes, you’d see their wives in bikinis riding them piggyback.

Sadly, my idea for presidential debates hasn’t been accepted: the candidates wearing wrestling masks of different colors.  At least that way, we could tell them apart.