Archive for September 21st, 2012

Thanks For Asking

Friday, September 21st, 2012

Frank Paolo

Publishing my e-mail address: ( ) has caused a number of readers to use it and ask me some questions. I almost always respond personally (unless you’re a real idiot) but some of you are too lazy to send your questions.  So here are a few you may have had and parts of my answers:

White House: “OK, We Lied”
“Did the White House say these exact words?” No. The title quotation marks are mine – the lies are theirs,  An exact quote is in the post; apparently the attack was not “self-evident” a week ago.

Take My Wife … Please
“The Bible says …. (blah, blah)” Buddy, the Bible says whatever you want it to say. I respect it as much as I respect the Koran and other religious works of fiction which feature good parables.

The Sky Is Falling! Club
“You’re naive. These things MAY still happen.” I MAY grow 5-more inches and become 10-years younger.  Probably not going to happen.

What America Teaches Kids About Sex
“If we listened to you, there would be many more teenage pregnancies, drop outs, and our society would continue in a moral cesspool.” I’d be amazed if anyone listened to me.

Cats: A+ on Intelligence; C- on Attitude
“Is your cat Wednesday a Bombay?” I’ll ask her but I doubt it. Wednesday is a ‘rescue cat’ – as was every cat who’s owned me.
“Wednesday looks like my cat.” Wednesday IS your cat – I stole her.

You Can’t Reason With Rabid Dogs
“I think your language is offensive….” Tough shit.

America: Overweight, Overpaid, and Over Here
“You seem to hate America.” You are so wrong.  I’ve heard this whine since my anti-Vietnam War days by people who confuse jingoism for patriotism and anti-Americanism for legal dissent.

And That’s The Way It Is

Friday, September 21st, 2012

When asked what advice he’d give to men getting older, Walter Cronkite (who lived until he was 93) said,

• Never ignore an erection.

• Never pass a mens room. And

• Never trust a fart.



Did A Man Marry The Holland Tunnel?

Friday, September 21st, 2012

Next she'll throw her girter.

Erika Eiffel always loved the tall silent type – but then she took her preference to the extreme and married the Eiffel Tower. After a small, ceremony with friends in Paris, Erika legally changed her name to Erika LaTour Eiffel.  There are no reports of how the marriage was consummated.

Erika is an “objectum sexual” – people who fall in love with inanimate objects. In a documentary entitled “The Woman Who Married the Eiffel Tower,” she is shown hugging her “husband” and telling him how much she loves him. The objects these women choose are often sexually symbolic.

The term “objectum sexual” was coined by a Swedish woman named Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, who married the Berlin Wall in the 1970s, according to the documentary. I’m no matchmaker but I would suggest this woman drop at least one hyphen and one name to find the structure of her dreams.

There are no reports of men suffering from this psychological malady but I was always puzzled by the strange allure of an open manhole.

Would you like to view an ABC News story on this woman?