Archive for September 16th, 2012

Keep Your Shirt On, Kate!

Sunday, September 16th, 2012

Kate Bosworth

Kate Winslet

Katy Perry

Kate Moss

Kate Upton

Kate Hudson

Kate Gosselin

Kate Beckinsale

 

The Sky Is Falling! Club

Sunday, September 16th, 2012

Do you ever see people walking around looking up and wringing their hands with faces full of fear? Unfortunately, those who whine doom and gloom often influence many people who confuse the Enquirer tabloid with the Christian Science Monitor. A few examples:

• Despite the Red Scare of the 1950’s, Communists did not take over America and we aren’t speaking Russian or Chinese.
• Everyone in the US was not infected with AIDS by the year 2000.
• Although it’s more polluted than before the Industrial Revolution, pollution did not choke the Earth to death.

Today we have a new host of anticipated disasters:

• If drugs are legalized, we’ll have to pay for a nation of junkies.
• If there’s more sex education and birth control in school, kids will be fucking in the streets.
• If we don’t keep chemicals out of our food and water, future generations will be brain-dead trolls.
• Same sex marriages will result in Fathers marrying their sons and Mothers marrying their daughters.
• There’s a secular conspiracy to wipe out Christianity in America
• This country will crumble up and die if (fill in the blank) ________ is elected President.

Now you shouldn’t really laugh at these people – you should reassure them.  Tell them their fears really don’t matter because the world is going to end anyway on 12/12/12 (666 X 2.)