Archive for June, 2012

I Hate To Get Clay On My Clothes

Friday, June 22nd, 2012

“Nah, Bullying Isn’t Worse Today”

Wednesday, June 20th, 2012

I’ve heard a lot of criticism over the current Anti-Bulllying campaign that’s now going in our schools.

“Bullying makes kids stronger.”
“We went through it when we were kids.”
“Kids have to learn to be tough for real life.”

I think these opinions are full of shit.

Bullying took on a new dimension today when a local video went viral on the internet.  Greece, N.Y. Middle school kids verbally abused Karen Klein, an older woman who is a bus monitor.  She started crying – the taunts grew worse. Bullies always pick on weaker victims.

(If this link doesn’t work. copy and paste it into your address bar.)

I was always happy to defend my friends against aggressive assholes.  I remember the time I stood up for a young woman who was being sexually harassed by her boss.

I made an audio tape of the things he said to her on the phone – they were pretty disgusting.  The next night, I played the tape for his wife.  I also gave her my name and address in case they wished to press charges against me.  I never heard from them and the harassment stopped.

If kids can’t be taught that bullying is mean and uncivilized, they should know it can have severe, negative repercussions.

Shackle Shoes Shelved

Wednesday, June 20th, 2012

Wow did Adidas have a dumb idea! They designed sneakers with shackles to invoke symbols of slavery and prison.  Even the coolest Black guys hated them.  When Adidas put its new product on Facebook, internet viewers were outraged.

“I’d rather not look like someone who just broke out of prison,” said one.

The company is now “withdrawing plans to make them available in the marketplace.”

Many people don’t know that droopy pants and no shoelaces are symbols of prison where belts and shoelaces aren’t allowed.  But even cool yo-s have their hood fashion limits.

George, Meet Casey Anthony

Tuesday, June 19th, 2012

Many Conservatives think George Zimmerman will not get a fair trial in the Trayvon Martin case because of brainwashing by the left-wing, mainstream media.  I don’t even know how this case got political.

A jury of 12-people in Florida (the same state in which Anthony was charged) will consider the evidence regardless of what they’ve heard on the news.  Don’t think they can be fair?  Consider the Casey Anthony trial.

The media portrayed Anthony as a bi-sexual, drunken, drug-gulping, slut who killed her young daughter so she could live the “good life” and party.  You probably believe that too.  But the jury weighed the evidence, looked into the eyes of those who testified and said she’s “not guilty.” Next case.

Juries do make mistakes and the American system of justice is not perfect – but I’ll take its decisions any day over the opinions of a histrionic public.

Nancy Nipple goes ballistic at the Anthony verdict!


How Bored Do You Have To Be . . .

Monday, June 18th, 2012

… to see how popular your first name was the year you were born?

Don’t pretend you don’t want to know!  Go here and answer 3 simple questions:

If you can’t connect here, click on the link here:

The ‘A’ List
The top 5 Girl Names in 2011 all ended with ‘a.’  Only I know why.

Bless Me Father For I Have Sneezed

Saturday, June 16th, 2012

God I wish I had this shirt today.

Bless me Father for I have sinned. Uh, maybe we’d better start on the small ones first. I’ve had some bad thoughts since my last confession. I’d kinda like to go in reverse, chronological order here – is that OK, Father? Thanks.

I got on the elevator this morning with a big basket of laundry and the bottle of detergent teetering on top. I hate doing laundry so I’m not in a real great mood anyway. The laundry and I are taking an elevator ride down to the ‘machines ‘o wash’ when we stop at one of the nether floors and this doofy guy gets in.

He looks at me, then down at my laundry and soap, then back at me and says, “Gonna do laundry?”

Now Father, I know ‘God works in mysterious ways’ but why he would put GOAT BRAINS in anyone’s head is beyond me. And right away some wise-ass answers popped into my mind. I was tempted (and may I have the confession transcript underline the word ‘tempted’ here? Thanks, Father.) I was tempted to say,

“Nah, the dirty shirts and shorts were getting bored in the closet so I thought I’d take them for a walk in the park.”

But I fought it, Father! I think that should be noted here. What I did was, I tried to copy the nitwit’s dumb smile, nodded my head, and then said, “Heh, heh. Yup – laundry.” He nodded back in profound understanding.

So Father, I know mean, sarcastic thoughts are a sin – a venal sin, I might add. But since I fought them back and rolled around on this guy’s level, I think we could drop it down to a ‘Venal – 3rd-Degree ‘ – is that OK, Father? Maybe even ‘Venal -4th’ with an extra ‘Hail Mary’ on top…. OK, Father?…… Father?”

I’m The Turd In The Punchbowl (Again)

Friday, June 15th, 2012

Am I the only person who doesn’t give a shit about this nut tight rope walking across Niagara Falls? A lot people are excited – ABC is devoting HOURS of coverage to the event.  Will Nik Wallenda have to wear a safety harness?  Will he take it off mid-walk?  What will officials do if he does?

Let’s be honest here, if there was NO chance the nitwit will take the short way down and paint the rocks, who would watch?  This excites peoples’ primitive blood lust – a drive best left undisturbed.

I don’t want the guy to take a swan dive into eternity but it would bother me less than a fart in a firestorm.

Gay-C Penny?

Friday, June 15th, 2012

I got into an electronic “discussion” with a guy who thought JCPenny ads featuring Black Fathers was part of a PC Liberal conspiracy. I think his tin foil hat was baking his brain.  It’s good he didn’t see this ad showing gay fathers and their children – he would have flipped!

I worked for an advertising agency for 8-years. One thing of which I’m sure: agencies are NOT Politically Correct.  They’ll create just about anything to make money for their clients.

When marketing researchers target groups like gays and blacks, they must also be sure not to alienate their loyal, customer base comprised mostly of white, middle-class money-spenders.  They test market this stuff into the ground because they can’t afford mistakes.

Minorities should not feel all gushy because corporate America now loves them.  They should know that they’re now recognized for having more discretionary buying dollars to spend. The best news about these ads is that most Americans will not take offense at the images and shop elsewhere.

Finally – this country is moving into the 21st century.

JCP spokesperson this year.

Dying At Attention

Thursday, June 14th, 2012

Do men have erections when they die? Some do – but you probably don’t want to be one of them.  Death erections usually occur if men die by violence, quickly.  Hangings and gunshot wounds are often causes of this strange state.

The condition is technically called postmortem priapism. In layman’s terms its “all dressed up and nowhere to go.”

June Is Bustin’ Out All Over

Monday, June 11th, 2012

Madonna last week in Turkey

Lindsay Lohan last week filming ‘Liz and Dick’

Nancy Grace last year, “Dancing With The Stars”

Janet Jackson, Superbowl 2004

Still the Best: Christina Applegate, 1988

“Married – With Children” was always one of my favorite television shows.  Applegate played Kelly Bundy, a 16-year old, promiscuous, ditzy blond.  When discussing her career goals, her Guidance Counselor suggested “Lumbercamp Toy” or “The Other Woman.”