Archive for May, 2012

Drowning In The Gene Pool

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

"Get Back You Little Bastards!"

I will spare you the unhappy details but yesterday I was kind of forced into a conversation with a few of the guys from my building. This all-male talk fest was rolling and the subject of kids came up.

Right away I could tell this just wasn’t going to be my lucky day. I mean I really don’t mind kids – if they’re somebody else’s’ – and live somewhere else – and I’m not there. But I’m proud of the fact that I was one of the first men in my county to have a vasectomy before having children – over 30-years ago. Of course this conversation was not about NOT having children – it was all about the DUTY of having them. Uh-oh.

The least evolved of the group spoke loudest; it seems he has a “need to breed”.

“I gotta have a son to carry on my Family Line.”

Now the only “line” with which I would associate this guy and his family is the line at the Department of Social Services where he would need help filling out the application. If all of this guys’ offspring mutated into plants and vegetables, our gene pool would be a nicer place in which to swim. Of course I didn’t say all this – but I thought it.

Word of The Day: Vasectomy (Vas-SEC-ta-me) noun. A sperm stopping operation which should be mandatory for about three quarters of the men in this country.

Is Jesus On Your Floor?

Monday, May 21st, 2012

“Where Our Values Are Just Your Style”

Word of The Day: Absurd (ob-SIRD) adjective. Ridiculously unreasonable.

America, Sheriff Of The World

Monday, May 21st, 2012

“Protecting Countries Against Themselves
For Over Half A Century”

Korea, Puerto Rico, Iran, Dominican Republic, Guatemala, Lebanon, Cuba, Panama, Laos, Vietnam, Chile, Oman, Cambodia, Angola, El Salvador, Grenada, Honduras, Philippines, Panama, Indonesia, Liberia, Saudi Arabia,  Yemen, Macedonia, Columbia, Haiti, Somalia, Pakistan, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya,  (a partial list)

Looking For Wood?

Sunday, May 20th, 2012

Maybe it was on her bucket list. Maybe she thought of something she needed when she was in the shower.  But for whatever reason,  49-year-old Barbara Lafleur walked into Curtis Lumber in Ballston Spa, NY last week,  naked as the day she was born. Obviously she hadn’t planned to shoplift anything.

Lafleur put on her clothes before police arrived a short while later.  She said she was “expressing her freedom to be fully liberated.”  Now she’s being charged with public lewdness, a misdemeanor.

Saratoga County District Attorney James Murphy said in a statement:

“this alleged conduct is actually a crime under the PENAL law.  Surprisingly, mental health found no psychiatric issues whatsoever.”

That doesn’t surprise me at all.

Word of The Day: Au naturel (o-natch-er-ell) adjective.  Naturally nude.

Russian Junior High Graduation

Saturday, May 19th, 2012

Word of The Day: Precocious (pre-KO-shus) Adjective. Having developed certain abilities or proclivities at an earlier age than usual.



Friday, May 18th, 2012

Some People Don’t Use Any Of It

Friday, May 18th, 2012

“You Only Use 10% Of Your Brain.”

Just another piece of horseshit you’ve heard all your life.  Modern nuclear imaging clearly shows all of our brain is used for different functions.  Some tasks use more – some less – but virtually all parts, throughout  the brain, are used at some time. None just sits there in a dormant state.

And you had so much hope – didn’t you?

Word of The Day: Dormant (DOR-ment) adjective;  Unused.

Butt Drugs: Free Parking In Rear

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

Three generations of Butts have owned a pharmacy in Corydon, Indianna and it’s quite an asset. Being the Butt of jokes cannot be fun, Butt the family has kissed their name – and made a helluva commercial:

Word of The Day: Pharmacy (FAR-meh-cee) noun. A place to buy legal drugs.

It Was The Breast of Times

Wednesday, May 16th, 2012

Boobs, tits, knockers, bosom, bezooms – whatever – I never was a “breast guy.” Actually, I never was a ‘body parts’ kind of guy.  And I know the women I knew weren’t enamored with my parts either.

It makes me sad to think most women in our culture don’t like their own breasts.  They think they’re too big, too small, not pointing up, not the same size, sagging, asymitrical, or have the wrong size nipples.  They think men look at skin flicks and one-hand magazines and compare their breasts to those pictured.

Some men do. You can tell them when they walk by because they’re  hunched over and scraping their knuckles on the sidewalk.  But most men probably don’t think of womens’ breasts as much as women do – and that’s sad if women think about them (and themselves) in a negative way.

There’s a neat site named 007b that shows hundreds of breasts in all shapes and sizes.  There’s also an accompanying story from each woman describing her relationship with her breasts.  It’s basically by women for women but guys can learn a lot here and women can learn they are not alone when they mistakenly think less of their breasts.

Word of The Day: Enamored (e-NAM-erd) transitive verb. Overly loved or fascinated.

What Are Friends For?

Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

Shawn Mossow

A 24-year old man from Stockholm, New York wanted to know “what it feels like to be shot.” So his 25-year old equally-intelligent friend, Shawn Mossow, picked up a 22-caliber rifle and shot him in the leg.

Police have not released the volunteer-victim’s name but he’s expected to make a complete recovery. Mossow was charged with reckless endangerment and is being held in the county jail on $10,000 bail.

I’ll bet the combined IQ of these two would not equal that of a can of peas.

Word of The Day: Hurts (hertz) transitive noun. To experience physical pain.