Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion

"WTF are marshmellows anyway?"

Saint Lawrence is the Patron Saint of Cooking. Admittedly, he’s not on the Rock Star List of Roman Catholic Saints like Peter, Paul, and Mary – but he’s right up there because he’s a martyr.

In the third century, Catholics were being whacked like Iranians with nuclear secrets.  Most were beheaded or burned at the stake.  But Saint Lawrence was roasted alive on a grill – which was ‘rare’ in those times.

He had a macabre sense of humor.  As he was being burned alive on the red-hot metal, he said “I’m roasted on this side. If you want me well done, it’s time to turn me over.”

How he got from the grill to the Table of Saints under ‘Cooking’ must be a funny story – but the Roman Canon doesn’t say.

Word of The Day: Macabre (muh-COB) adjective.  Having a grim or death-filled quality.

Do you do the Schmuck Trot? You know  that little two or three step symbolic run across the road when a driver stops and signals you to cross? It’s usually accompanied by a nod, smile, or wave – and, since it’s only symbolic, it doesn’t hurry things up at all – but it’s kind of nice – and polite.

When I drive and stop for pedestrians when I don’t have to, I’m a little embarrassed to admit I like them to do the schmuck trot. I think of it as a little, visual ‘thank you’ – an acknowledgement of my ‘right-of-way’ sacrifice and generosity.

Of course, not everyone is appropriately grateful. Old people seem to take it for granted that you’re going to stop and can get positively snarly if you rev the engine a bit to hurry them along. Teenagers would rather be caught listening to Lawrence Welk than do the Schmuck Trot. They glare at you and almost DEMAND to be run over! One of these days they’re going to play that game with some maniac who’s just been told he’s got ‘don’t buy green bananas’ cancer and the last thing they’ll do on this earth is kiss the tread grooves of a speeding tire. I’d like to tell them: “accidents” happen all the time, pimple farms!

The worst? People from California. In their state, if a couple of clueless moonbeams is discussing the joy of soy and step off the curb – cars are legally required to slam on their brakes and let them cross. But this is New York! I wonder how many thousands of Left Coaster’s final thoughts were “But he was SUPPOSED to stop!” I know I can personally take credit for at least 4 near misses. I heart New York!

What’s the first thing a diner waitress says when she sees you?

Coffee? Right away!”

And you’d better get it ‘right away’, Sugar Lips, because you’ve got a caffeine junkie who is now hurtling through drug withdrawal and trying hard not to snatch up the butter knife and stab the annoying people seated next to him.  Withdrawal symptoms started about 26-hours after your last cup of the legal drug.

As soon as you score your fix, you tear up little packets of white powder plus containers of liquid poison, and quickly mix up the nearly boiling-brew – before pouring it over one of the most sensitive parts of your body. Ouch! It hurts so good – like the needle prick announcement of anticipated joy when a junkie pushes a needle into her vein.  Coffee is America’s Drug of Choice – BY FAR! 50-million caffeine addicts drink an average of 4-cups per day.

I don’t drink coffee but I certainly don’t care what you do.

However, I would care very much if you’re one of those flaming, “respectable” hypocrites who thinks you’re better than the millions of Americans rotting in jail cells because they loved a drug which is different than yours. Your drug is legal and inexpensive. Their drugs are illegal – making them very expensive.

Still, probably we’re all just junkies in the grand scheme of the universe – and it  doesn’t need you to judge what’s right or wrong.

Do you think monosodium glutamate can kill you? Well, it might if you ate about a bucket of it, then tripped over the bucket and smashed your head on the floor.  But any excessive amounts you could eat in a day over a lifetime, won’t do anything but make your food taste better.

Say what? MSG isn’t deadly? Nope, just a typical example of anecdotal health bullshit the media grabs and blows up to sell papers.  And you, of course, believed it (unless you’re an Italian who doesn’t believe anything).

So why do Chinese restaurants advertise “No MSG Used”?  Well what would you do if masses of ignorant diners refused to have dinner at your humble eatery because they think they’ll be poisoned?

Have you ever noticed that unlike tobacco, alcohol, saccharine, and a zillion other things, there are no government warnings about MSG?  That’s because there’s never been a valid, scientific study by the government or the academic world to show that MSG is harmful – except to owners of Chinese restaurants.

Memorial Day traditionally has been the kickoff for nudist resorts in regions like ours. I’ve enjoyed nude sunbathing for years and, as others have told me, it’s no big thing.  But whatever the location, nudists enjoy the sun and the freedom allowed by a clothes-free environment.

This freedom comes from total body acceptance without regard to the ‘young, beautiful, slender bodies’ culture. I’ve seen the bodies of senior citizens, kids, fat people, skinny people, and just about everyone else under the sun. It’s hard to believe – but nobody really cares what you look like. The naked novelty idea wears off after about ten minutes – really.

In this society, we associate being naked with sex – but nudist resorts are about as sexy as dog shows. There are no displays of affection, teasing bikinis, or “enhanced” Speed-O’s. Sun worshippers are just average, tradition – bound Americans with this one rebellious activity which they do not consider rebellious at all.

Do they worry about skin damage from the sun? Oh please – virtually everything is relatively safe when done in moderation. And anything done regularly to the extreme is usually harmful – especially moderation.