Archive for April, 2012

Feel Better Now, Gummer?

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Being stupid has its costs. If your lover was a dentist and you dumped her for another lady, would you still make an appointment with her for a toothache?

Marek Olszewski, 45, of London somehow thought that was a good idea.  So he booked a time with his ex-lover, 34-year-old Dentist Anna Mackowia.  Dr. Macowia thought she could remain “professional and detached” for the examination. Wrong!

She put Marek under anesthesia and then proceeded to pull out every one of his 32-teeth! She then bandaged up the dolt and sent him home.  We can only imagine Mr. Olszewski’s surprise when he took off the bandages and saw just a  mouthful of gums!

Dr. Mackowia, D.D.S. is now facing three years in prison for medical malpractice.  And Olszewski?  Sadly, he was dropped by his new girlfriend because she “couldn’t go out with a bloke who had no teeth.”

Word of the Day: Dolt (doelt); noun.  A person who is stupid and has no sense of reality.

Ali’s “Father” – Gorgeous George

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Except for me, just about everyone I knew hated Muhammad Ali. He was loud, conceited, and obnoxious.  While the good “colored” boxers like Floyd Patterson spoke quietly and acted like gentlemen, Ali was jumping around the ring screaming “I AM the GREATEST!” I figured he was just acting.

He learned the act from wrestler George Wagner.

George was a mediocre wrestler in the dull 1950’s.  Although fixed even then, wrestling matches basically consisted  of two heavy guys in black briefs sweating from rolling around on the mat.  Arenas were half empty.  Then along came “Gorgeous George” to brighten things up.  He became a “cheating, dirty villain.”

People started coming through the turnstiles just to see him get his ass kicked.  And if he did lose (rarely) he’d cry, complain, and say the other guy cheated and should be disqualified! The “perfect” sore loser.

George was an anathema to wrestling fans,  He dyed his hair blond, wore a glitzy-elegant robe, had his own valet, and told referees to “keep your filthy hands off me.” George started acting effeminate in an age when gay people were officially deemed “sexual psychopaths.”

Thousands of fans filled the auditoriums with their hatred – and their money – just to see him get beaten.  And Gorgeous George (like Liberace) cried all the way to the bank.

Word of the day: Anathema (a-NATH-e-ma) noun. A person or thing hated or loathed.

So This Snail Goes Into A Bar . . .

Sunday, April 29th, 2012

Snail Yoga

There’s nothing like a good snail joke or amusing gastropod anecdote to liven up even the dullest party. Here are two of my favorites:

• A snail and a turtle are crossing the road from opposite directions.  They crash.  The police come and interview the snail.  “What happened?” asks the officer.

“I don’t know,” says the snail. “It all happened so fast!”

• A guy is home reading the paper and hears a knock on his door.  He opens the door only to find a little snail on his porch.  He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

A year later the guy is home reading his paper and there’s a loud knock.  He opens the door and there’s the snail again.  In an exasperated voice the snail says,


Word Of The Day: Gastropod (GAS-tro-pod) noun. A class within the phylum Mollusca which includes snails, slugs, and (my personal favorites) the semi-slugs.

I’m Flummoxed

Sunday, April 29th, 2012

Verushka was one of the top runway models of the sixties.

I’m flummoxed as to why she’s trying to make a comeback today.  I’ll bet she’s an attractive 71-year old woman – but walking down the runway with 20-year olds makes her look like an old Mick Jagger in drag.

Word Of The Day: Flummox (flum-mox) verb; To confuse, bewilder.

You’ve Got To Hug A Lot Of Babies…

Saturday, April 28th, 2012

…to run for President.

A Week Ago …

Saturday, April 28th, 2012

… the temperature was in the high ’70’s here in Rochester, New York. Tonight, at the end of April, it’s predicted we’ll set a new record low of 25 degrees F.  I doubt if the cherry blossoms around my apartment building will like that.

The United States of New York

Friday, April 27th, 2012

If you took the populations of five states, they would equal the population of the five boroughs of New York City.  I LOVE ‘Strange Maps.’

Can Your Computer Read Your Mind?

Friday, April 27th, 2012

Take A Left At The Cervix

Friday, April 27th, 2012

The Elusive Grafenberg Spot

Can we bring the friggin’ diagram? Will the woman hold it?  That is, will she hold this picture for us?  She obviously shouldn’t “hold it” in the sense of not going to the bathroom.  The cutaway clearly spells out ‘emptied bladder.’  And I assume the ‘ejaculation exit’ is for her ejaculation – not ours, guys.  Will her ejaculate know where to go (or come) without the diagram?

The G-Spot is the theoretical trigger for female orgasm – supposedly – sometimes – at least for some women.  On Wednesday, the Journal of Sexual Medicine declared that a semiretired Florida gynecologist “discovered” it on the body of an 83-year old woman cadaver.  I personally thought there were more than one to go around.

But the G-Spot has been known to exist for 50-years, right?  They’re not exactly like Bigfoot sightings – nor honest Congressmen.

My friend in the adult entertainment industry, Ginger Lynn, starred in a film, “The Grafenberg Spot” in 1985.  She finally found her G-Spot about halfway through the movie.  Ginger should have found hers – there certainly were enough people looking for it.

The Holocaust Was a Hoax?

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

Small picture because of the subject matter

There are some lunatics walking around who believe the Holocaust never happened. That’s like saying there was no such thing as the nuclear bomb we dropped on Hiroshima.  Or the Saint Valentines Day Massacre was just a little party that got out of hand.

A few months back I picked up a Library book about Nazi medical experiments.  I could only get through a few disgusting chapters before I stopped reading.  What horrified me as much as the gruesome research on actual human beings was the reproduction of Nazi documentation from the party high command.  The German doctors who participated in these trials actually felt justified in their actions. Many said it was their duty to the Motherland and humanity.

To deny this horror when there are numerous photographs and tangible records to prove its existence is craziness.  Although I fully support free speech – it does have its drawbacks.  One is allowing disgusting people to voice an opinion.