Archive for January 4th, 2012

I’m Sorry To Inform You, Mr. Whitman…

Wednesday, January 4th, 2012


…that we have not been able to locate your wife.  As soon as she was discovered missing from the expedition safari, be assured that an extensive search was conducted for over two-days.  Unfortunately, it produced no results.

My suggestion for you is to immediately contact the American Consulate in Nairobi for further advice and counsel.

With regret,

Maurice DuPrez
Commissioner General
Kenya Tourism Bureau
Kenya, East Africa

“You Have to Respect their Religion!”

Wednesday, January 4th, 2012


A woman wrote to our paper today saying she was “offended” by Christmas and went on to say “any Christian who understands the Bible would realize that we have been deceived by the Catholic Church into committing idolatry.”

Yikes – I knew those Catholics were up to something!  I’ll bet some investigation would find they hold the world monopoly on the manufacturing of mangers and tinsel.

I diplomatically responded: “LET’S BURN SOME WITCHES!”

“Ouch.” a friend said, “You’ve got to at least respect their religion….”

No. No, I really don’t have to respect anyone’s religion.  The government must respect and defend the peoples’ right to it – I think that’s good.  But me? Nope. Here are some “religions” I don’t even PRETEND to respect:

• The Marboro Baptist Church for demonstrating their hatred of gay rights in the military by picketing troop funerals.

• The church of the Florida Pastor who was going to burn 200 Korans protesting Islam.

• Snake Handling Christians

• Jews for Jesus,

• Anyone who Worships the Sun except nude sunbathers.

• The 8-year old “Heaven is For Real!” kid, etc. etc.

Just being religious doesn’t give you a free pass to be mean, judgmental, intolerant, hypocritical, or stupid.  At times I may be any of those things – but I’m not excusing it for holy reasons.