Archive for October, 2011

Spouse of Kards Crumbles

Monday, October 31st, 2011

Today, after just after two months of marriage, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from her basketballer hubby, Kris Humphries.

America’s closest-to-royal couple had a lavish summer wedding which cost over $10-million dollars.  The marriage brought together wretched excess, Hollywood glitz, giddy commercial sponsors like People magazine, and romantic, fairy tale dreams.

The charming couple met less than a year ago.  He’s a “cute” NBA player noted for a long career, well-dribbled balls, strong stamina, and great shots.  She’s, uh, “famous” for a number of things including dating Halle Berry’s ex-husband, being Bruce Jenner’s daughter, and her “stolen” sex tapes.  Uh, she’s a friend of Paris Hilton.

Kids – when are you going to learn the difference between sex and love?  In my (not so) humble opinion, they have nothing to do with each other.  Sure sex is better with someone you love – so is eating cheeseburgers.  But cheeseburgers aren’t as expensive to eat.

Kids Should Not Smoke

Monday, October 31st, 2011

Unless They Smoke Filters

Sad Girls Not Invited To The Prom in Iowa

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

I’m told those are chickens – not cocks.


Sunday, October 30th, 2011

On “Meet the Press” today, a Senior Administration Advisor said the President is going to run on his “successes” including “ending the war in Iraq”.

I just about threw up.

Will the American people be dumb enough to believe this shit?  Here are the facts:

• Months ago Obama requested Iraq let 10,000 troops stay after the first of the year.  Iraq said no.

• Obama then practically pleaded for Iraq to let just 3000 troops stay.  Iraq said no.

• Iraq insisted the US follow the 2008 agreement saying there would be NO American combattroops in Iraq by the end of 2011.

• Obama takes credit for ending the “War in Iraq”. Up is really Down.

Most Creative Halloween Costume Ever

Saturday, October 29th, 2011

A Nuclear Explosion

(And yes, the artist was Japanese)

NO! DON’T! (flash us)

Friday, October 28th, 2011

Freak the Kids – Carve Peppers!

Friday, October 28th, 2011

Put a little scare back into Halloween!  Carved orange pumpkins are so boring, the kids might fall asleep on your porch.  Use your imagination!  Hell, the night is supposed to be at least a little scary, so do some edgy stuff before the little beggars get their treats.

Hook up speakers and blast the little superheros onto your lawn with extremely loud screams and groans.  Make sure the sounds aren’t playing constantly – wait until a new group arrives before hitting ‘play’.  A hooked up microphone can really add to the fun.

Hand out wrapped candy with fake, blood-dripping hands.  Come to the door with guts hanging from your mouth. And smile – don’t make a thing of it.  Talk to people who aren’t there and act very afraid.  Crawl to the door and give out treats lying down.  Carry a shovel and put your spouse on your back – seriously ask the kids to help you bury the body.

Ask them to bow their heads a moment before getting the treats because it was exactly one-year ago that your nephew, Joe Bagadonuts, had his throat slit on this very porch. Make sure there are adequate blood stains all over the stoop.  Come to the door crying and sobbing uncontrollably.

Do you want to REALLY repulse them?  For a treat, give them an apple or carrot.

Doomsday the Cat

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

Wednesday the Cat has an embarrassing distant cousin named Doomsday.  Doomsday is constantly checking under beds for things only he can see – while wearing his tin foil cat-hat.

RightWing WingNuts:

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

Ask Your Ass

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

Kennick, Washington — The Benton Franklin Health District will not endorse the new crappy colon cancer campaign.  The Health Board wants it dumped.

Jim Beaver, Chairman of the Board, announced said, “Benton County won’t be a supporter of that particular advertisement and that campaign.”  The billboard uses provocative language to encourage testing for colon cancer.

A survey showed about one in six people in the county found the message distasteful, one in five had no opinion, but most residents didn’t know their asses from their elbows and supported it. No shit.