Archive for September 12th, 2011

Time Waits For No Woman

Monday, September 12th, 2011


I’m ‘on time’ more than most clocks you’ll ever own. One of the women with whom I lived, “D”, was late for everything – so she and I had to work something out. Our agreement was simple: she got to CHOOSE the time we left – and I drove at THAT time. What could be more fair?

It was a steamy, mid-August afternoon – you almost had to push the air out of the way when you moved. D. and I had to attend some miserable outdoor function.  Halfway home she decided she needed to go to the grocery store for a few things.

“Oooooh,” I groaned.

“C’mon! It will only take a few minutes! We’ll use the ‘Car Leaves’ rule”.

The car clock read 2:45 pm.

“Just 15 minutes!” she said. “Departure time will be 3:00pm – promise!”
I leaned back and turned on the radio. Then, 2:50, 2:54. “Damn!” I thought, “I knew it!” 2:58 – 3:00pm. “OK, that’s it,” I said to myself. I backed out and started for the exit.

That’s when I saw her in the rear view mirror. She had a grocery bag in each hand and was running very well for a tall blond in heels. I had forgotten she was on the track team in high school. And she almost made it!

The phone was ringing when I got home. I had a pretty good idea who it was.

D and I no longer live together.

Life Would Be Perfect Without Wedgies

Monday, September 12th, 2011