Archive for September 7th, 2011

I Was Wrong

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

I was wrong. (It’s happened once before – in 2009 – I thought I made a mistake but I hadn’t).  Anyway, I was working out, planning to watch the first 10-minutes of the Republican Candidates debate, and I ended up watching the whole thing.  It was not boring.  My favorite, Ron Paul, did not do well – philosophically excellent – practically, not so much.

I thought just about all the candidates – including Michele Bachmann and Newt Gingrich – did well.   Our $800,000,000 per day war debacles were hardly mentioned (awful!) and God was not mentioned at all (good!).  I think I have a pretty good ability to be objective, listen, and observe.  In fact, that’s the thing for which clients  pay me.

Will I be as objective about Obama’s horseshit tomorrow night?  NOOO!  The guy’s had his chance – anything he’s going to say should have been said (and started) 2 and 1/2 years ago.  After this amount of time, you can’t keep sitting on the edge of the bed and telling her how great it’s going to be.

The Clone Drone

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

The Republican Presidential candidates are in a debate tonight.  The picture above is actually from the 2008 debate but it doesn’t really matter.  Of course Michele Bachmann and Newt Gingrich are missing but that’s just an omen for their campaigns.

Sarah Palin has a big speech on Saturday but she’s just a “CT” – Candidate Teaser.  First she’s in – then she’s not…the job really doesn’t pay enough for Sarah. She might just quit mid-term if she’s offered a more lucrative film contract.  And whatever happened to Donald Trump?

Rick Perry is #1 in the polls but he used to be a Democrat – and Al Gore’s campaign manager in Texas.  That seems to matter to people who believe there’s a difference between the parties.  Of course there are still people who believe the Warren Commission Report, the earth is flat, and  professional wrestling is not fixed.

The only one who will say something different is Ron Paul, the guy second from the right with the lousy suit.  Paul is an 11-term Congressman from Texas who has a consistent voting record: he always votes ‘no’ on anything that costs more or gets us into “foreign entanglements”.  If all the people who say “But Ron Paul can’t win!” voted for him, he’d win in a landslide.

I’d watch this exciting show but the insides of my closets need painting – and probably a second coat if these guys are still on.


Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

1st Jenny Craig, THEN “Dancing With The Stars”

Cop Stop Flop

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

A few years ago, I took home a gal-pal of mine who lived in a neighborhood the Visitors’ Bureau never puts on postcards. After dropping her off, I made a right and immediately saw a big set of multicolored, flashing lights quickly filling up my rear view mirror. The police stopped behind my car and treated me to a light show for which I would have paid money in the 60’s.

I turned off my engine and put my hands in full view on top of the steering wheel just like I was taught on “America’s Most Wanted”. “License, registration, and insurance card please?” Wow was he young! What’s the minimum age for police applicants these days, thirteen?

“Sir, why are you in this neighborhood tonight?” I saw he was getting ready to deliver his “dangerous drug and prostitute area, stupid to be down here” speech.

“All right, Officer, you got me – I know it’s against the law.”


“I’m a male prostitute.”

The flashlight beam poured over my face. “For men?” he naively asked.

“No, for young women. They’ve been after me my whole life. Now I’ve decided to charge.”

Time stopped. They sure didn’t go over this at the Academy. Was I disrespecting the police? (Oh God, No!) Was I serious? For what would he arrest me – aggravated delusions? What would the Captain say about this? Finally, he made his decision. A smile crossed his lips but I knew he was holding back a laugh.

“How’s business?” he smiled.

“Not so good. I think it’s the economy.”

“Get otta here!” he laughed.

As I started my car, I saw the silhouette of his head dancing in the flashing lights as he filled in his partner.

Most times, you’ve just got to make your own fun.