Archive for May 15th, 2011

No Newts is Good Newts

Sunday, May 15th, 2011


Newt Gingrich is running for President on 2012 and I seriously don’t care.  I forget if he’s a Democrat or a Republican but it doesn’t really matter.  Newt is so far in the mainstream of American politics he could appear on either ballot.

But the main reason I could not even consider him for President is his name – Newt – a type of salamander.  OK,  I admit I’m superficial – but it is one ugly moniker.  A story going around years ago was that his aunt (or somebody) upon seeing the new born baby said “Why, he’s as cute as a newt!”  She must have been drunk.  Newts aren’t cute – they’re slimey, creepy lizards that crawl out of swamps.

Newt is probably just short for Newton – another nerd name.  I looked it up and Newton is the name given to one out of every 250,000 boys born in America (Knute Rockne was born in Norway).

Do we want a President named after a wet lizard?

Would America have the same respect for a Wallabee Washington or a Penguin Lincoln?  The only time we might  think it appropriate would be for Titmouse Clinton – maybe both of them.