Archive for March 6th, 2011

Shopping for Fecal Matter

Sunday, March 6th, 2011


A recent study showed the dirtiest places in supermarkets are on the handles of grocery carts.  The handles are dirtier than bathrooms, check-out conveyers, and guys who flash customers in the fruit section.

The reason is simple: kids.  The little brats who throw tantrums in the candy aisle can’t even compete with the little brats who touch their own waste and then slime their rotten, little fingers on the cart handles while riding backwards.  Of course the parents should be jailed for not disinfecting the little shit-chits before leaving home but that’s hard to enforce.

What should you do about it?  First, remember researchers can now measure bacteria in ‘parts per million’.  They’re recording things that we normally can not see, feel, or smell.  The microbes have always been there but no one could measure them – and if they did, they had the good sense to shut up about it.

Second, wipe handles down with Wet-Ones or their generic equivalents, wash reusable grocery bags at least once a month, and cream your hands with antibacterial gel.

Finally, for your own satisfaction, glare with a mean look at every kid in the grocery store.  Some kids are really bothered by this – and it’s almost impossible to prove in court.