Archive for December 1st, 2010

And What is YOUR Whiney Little Opinion?

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

You may think only four or five people read this blog because the only comments are by Joe and Bill. Untrue.  About 5-hundred people every day – from all over the world – click here and that’s pretty good for a blog with no advertising and features my happy horseshit.

I think some people don’t comment because they don’t understand  that “Mail” refers to their e-mail address. Or they think they’ll go on some lists or I might come looking for them if they write something hateful.  Don’t worry – if I haven’t killed Bill or Joe by now, you’re pretty safe.

Also, I never censor comments although I bulk-delete masses of spam that come this way and you might go ‘poof’ if you fall into a spam filter. Many people reach me at: fpaolo1@rochester.rr.com and that’s OK too.

Anyway, feel free to drop a comment or two.  And to the gentleman from Taiwan who said, “No offense but this blog is the most stupid I’ve ever read”, I’d like to say, “Buddy – some days I think you’re right.”

“Don’t Touch My Junk”

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

The Willie-Warmer

Junk? JUNK!?! The phrase above was made popular by the sniveling guy who was afraid of being manhandled by airport security inspectors. He has SUCH a limited vocabulary! Most of us are content with ‘penis’ (don’t you love the term ‘male penis’ – like there may be alternatives?).  Of course we’ve heard ‘cock’, ‘prick’, and ‘boner’ most of our lives – but there are so many more creative names.  Consider:

Trouser Sword, Pennis the Menace. Zipper Ripper, Skin Flute, Twinkie (creamy filling), Abdullah (the Tent Maker), Johnson, The Hole Package, Your Happenis, Kaptain Kielbasa, Chief of Staff, Pope John Pole III, Joystick, Thor’s Hammer, King Leer, Schtupper, Niagara Balls, Torpedo, Submarine, McThunderstick, The Slim Reaper, Jack Kerouwacker, schlong, Pole, Shaft, Rod, Pecker, Prick, Dick, Peter, Sperm Spitter, Sausage, Wang, Dong, Fuck Stick, Meat hook, Banana, One-Eyed Snake, Peener, Weenie, Tally-Whacker, One-Eyed Anaconda, Yogurt Cannon, Wrinkle Stick, One-Eyed Wonder Weasel, Penis Maximus, Cocktail Frank, Rumple Foreskin, Purple Helmet Warrior, Stiffy, Trouser Snake, Captain Winky, Woody, Mister Happy, Heat-seaking Moisture Missile, Hot-dog, One-Eyed Jack, Midnight Meat Train . . .

. . .well, you get the idea.

Relationships On Ice

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Lovers never fight about what they’re fighting about.  Once you get that lesson down, you move up the food chain of  PIR’s – People in Relationships.  I learned the lesson many years ago when I first lived with a woman, “M” (a pseudo-letter).

I love drinks with lots of ice. M loved soft drinks with ice.  Together, we went through a lot of ice cubes – there just never seemed to be enough.  So as any giggling young lovers would do to avoid a confrontation, we bought more ice cube trays. And then MORE ice cube trays.  After a few months, we couldn’t even fit most of our frozen food in the damn freezer because of our extended family of ice cube trays.

As naive as we were, even we knew the problem wasn’t “not enough ice cube trays”.  The problem was neither of us was willing to refill them.  So we decided on an adult “solution” – “if you use the last cube, refill the tray”.  The result became blindingly obvious: 24 empty trays, each containing its “last” ice cube.  We continued to fight about it for months.

Years later I finally figured out what the “ice cube war” was all about.  It wasn’t about ice, it was about power – “Who’s in Charge Here?”  And that’s usually the “real” fight in a relationship over EVERYTHING – “Who’s in Charge Here?”  Of course by that time, “M” was long gone – in a relationship with another man.  I asked her if he filled ice cube trays well.  She wouldn’t answer.