Archive for October, 2010

An Actual Senior High Yearbook Picture

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

From Santa Fantasia, California

Cats: A+ on Intelligence; C- on Attitude

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

I guess I relate to cats – they remind me so much of me!  I laughed out loud when I read:

“Recent studies have shown cats are potentially more intelligent than dogs but they are usually neither motivated nor compliant when it comes to participating in research”.

New Scientist Magazine detailed the results of some new studies comparing the two. It’s a well-known, scientific fact that the number of neurons in the brain’s cortex is an indication of intelligence.  Dogs have 160-million of these neurons.  Cats? Over 300-million.

However, researchers became frustrated with the study.  Although both species cognitivly understood the commands (such as a person using pointing gestures as a cue for food), dogs were eager to please the scientists, cats “just didn’t want to participate.”

My Vasectomy Scars are Singing

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Can We Vote in Our Sleep?

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

The dullest place to be last night was not “The History of  the Rhododendron” lecture at the library.  It was anywhere watching the New York State Gubernatorial Debate.  It started dull and went down from there.

1. Couldn’t they find seven lecterns that matched?  Everyone knows from Speech 101 that if you lazily sit in a chair to speak, you cannot speak with passion.

2. People in New York are supposed to be ANGRY about having the most dysfunctional state government in America.  After the TV network and moderator asked them to “behave”, audience members sat there like obedient sheep.  I wish the Yippies were back.

3. “Crazy Carl” Paladino needed a knockout punch to stay in the race.  He didn’t land one.  Neither did he have an “emergency chute” for his final statement which should have been:

“Folks, I know I made some mistakes tonight – but that’s because I’m not a slick politician.  If you elect me Governor, together we’ll develop new strategies – like economic boycotts – to guarantee the budget will be cut by 20% and your taxes by 10%.  And Sheldon Silver, you’d better hope I’m not elected.”

4.  Andrew Cuomo just had to show up to win – and that’s about all he did.  Great strategy – lousy leadership.

5. Where did the Green candidate get a Southern accent?  South Syracuse?

6. The fashion police should have immediately arrested the “Rent’s Too Damn High!” candidate for wearing black gloves and the “Freedom” party’s rep for wearing a Nehru jacket.

7.  The Libertarian guy had some great ideas delivered in a Sominex style.  Out.

8.  Not one candidate defined “MTA” (Mass Transit Authority) for us dumb hicks Upstate.  Thanks, guys.

9.  Kristin Davis, the Anti-Prohibition candidate, was the only one who suggested additional NEW revenue sources in addition to cutting taxes and eliminating waste. She also had the best sense of humor.  Kristin will get my vote.

Send In the Clowns

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Tonight at 7:00 pm will be the first (and undoubtedly only) New York State Gubernatorial debate.  It should be a humdinger.  All seven candidates – including the clowns Andrew Cuomo and Carl Paladino – will be present.

I think you’ll be surprised by a real up-and-comer, Kristin Davis.  Ms. Davis was the Manhattan madame for the high priced call girl business in which former governor Elliot Spitzer got snared.  She’s also very intelligent and has some non-hypocritical ideas on lowering taxes and actually making money for New York.

Davis, of the Anti-Prohibition Party, clearly advocates legalizing marijuana, prostitution, and casino gambling and taxing them heavily.  In other words, raise state revenues by collecting taxes on what people do already.  She has this strange idea that the government should not be used as the moral police force when it comes to individual freedom.  I think those ideas are called “American”.

It will be fun to hear her make common sense as the baffle clowns “uh”  and lie through their allotted times.  And all that nervous throat clearing you’ll hear from the audience?  Those are just the traditional prigs who think they know how to live your life better than you do.

American Lungs Have Already Voted

Saturday, October 16th, 2010

It looks like California may pass Proposition 19 – decriminalizing small amounts of marijuana for personal use.  Since millions of Americans already smoke the stuff and enforcing anti-pot laws is nearly impossible, this is hardly big news. But leave it to the government to make a federal case out of nothing based on embarrassing stupidity.

US Attorney General Eric Holder recently said that if California voted this measure into law, the Federal government would step in and enforce its own anti-pot statutes in the state.

Eric – what the hell have you been smoking?

Let’s forget about a few big issues here like states’ rights, the fact that the Czar of the 40-year old, $1-Trillion “War on Drugs” admitted it’s a failure, and Obama has a lot more important things at which to fail (like his Mideast wars). Put all of that aside for a moment and try to remember this:

In 1996, when California passed its “medical marijuana” law,  Proposition 215, the Feds threatened the same thing.  The government was immediately taken to court – and lost.  It’s been 15-years now and remarkably our nation still stands – despite status quo dolts like you who are trying to protect the $10-Billion per year ANTI-drug industry.

“Uh, You Guys Go Ahead . . . I’ll Just Wait Here”

Friday, October 15th, 2010

Yonni Barrios, 50, was a Chilean miner who had mixed feelings about being rescued the other day.  He knew loved ones would be allowed to rush up to the capsule when it emerged – but he didn’t know if he would be greeted by his wife of 28-years – or his longtime mistress.

When the Mrs. and the Miss found about each other in the mine’s dining center, they  had to be pulled apart.  Ironically, it was the Miss who informed the Mrs. about the mining accident weeks before.

Barrios was over his head in conflict but finally made a decision.  He told rescuers he wanted to be greeted by his mistress.

When the Mrs. learned this unhappy news, she left the mine site and asked for a divorce.  It seems the mistress got the miner – and she got the shaft.

Did Eric Massa . . .

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

. . . publicly endorse Andrew Cuomo?  If he did, Carl Paladino should just “take him out.”  Who the hell let all these Italians into New York anyway?

Fashion Don’ts

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

Frankly, I’m a little embarrassed for Dosia.  The ‘Bo Derek Braids’ on white women went out with Bo about 30 years ago.  Black women should dump them ASAP unless they haven’t started kindergarten yet.

The little outfit she’s wearing is either from a 1980’s Hawaiian garage sale or they gave it to her with a bowl of soup.

C’mon, Kindgirls – don’t exploit Dosia!

The Turd In the Punchbowl

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

OK – that’s me again.  I’m very happy about the rescue of the 33 Chilean miners.   I apprehensively watched some of the minute-by-minute coverage of the drilling and I wept with happiness when I saw the rescued miners reunite with their families.

So why am I not as thrilled as everyone else?

I just can’t get our troop numbers out of my mind.  33 men were just rescued – some even called them “heroes”  (HEROES!?)  Over 6 -THOUSAND Americans cannot be rescued because they died fighting in our hopeless, unwinnable Mideast wars.  Almost 100,000 are still there fighting and dying.  They aren’t shown by overwhelming media coverage – nor can they be sucked out of their situation by a high tech tube.

It’s a lot easier to think of 33 men than 100,000. Does one have anything to do with the other?  Yes – if we consider what’s important to this country. The only way these killing fiascoes can go on is if we forget about them.  And economic conditions, lying politicians, phony elections, and breaking-news situations help us forget about them quite easily.