Archive for October 21st, 2010

You Should Have Contracted Swine Flu

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

From my “Oh Just Shut Up!” Department:

It seems heat coming from your laptop computer can cause a rare skin condition called Erythema ab igne.  Some people say it can potentially turn into skin cancer years down the line.  Some people say just about anything.  So far about a dozen people have been diagnosed with this strange malady.

To catch it (so you can sue Steve Jobs or Bill Gates) here’s what you must do:

• Take off your pants (this only works on bare skin).

• Set your laptop on your thigh.

• Keep it running there for 12-or more hours a day.

• Repeat for 3 or 4 years.

When you see a slight, mottled dark area with small white blotches in it, you MAY have succeeded in burning yourself.  I say “may” because chances are this “condition” will go away in a few months.  Then you have to start all over again.

Sadly, this does not seem like a serious cancer causing condition.  Maybe you can tape your cell phone to your head to cause brain cancer.

There’s Hope for Your Ugly Kids

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

Ryan Seacrest