PBS’s Antique Road Show seems to be the same thing every week. Some dumb goober sits with the suited estimator and they’re staring at a piece of crap that looks like the frozen fecal clumps they used to dump out of jet planes.
Estimator: “Tell me – how did you come across this piece?”
Goober: “Me and Hilda the wife was at some barn sale and she took a liking to it. It was $2.00 but I pushed the guy down to a buck and a half so I bought it just to shut her up.”
Estimator: “Heh, heh. Well do you know what you have here?”
Goober: “Nope. I tell my friends it’s a doorstop for Hilda’s mouth.”
Estimator: “Heh, heh. Well, you have a blah-blah, sculpted by blah-blah-blah during his green fecal period.”
Goober: “Is that good?”
Estimator: “Heh, heh. Well you should thank your wife – at auction it would bring anywhere between $10- and $20,000.”
Goober: “You shittin’ me, boy!?” EDITED FOR TELEVISION: “Wow – I better not drop it.”
Estimator: “Heh, heh.” THINKING: “You lucky old fart! You should choke on the goddam thing!”