Archive for September, 2010

“Deep Inside Amy Fisher”

Thursday, September 30th, 2010



Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita”, went to Albion Correctional Facility in a rather dramatic fashion and left in an even more stunning way.

In 1992, Amy, then 17, drove to the home of her boyfriend, Joey Buttafuoco, to tell Mrs. Buttafuoco about her husband’s new romance – Amy. Mrs. B didn’t like the idea very much so the two started discussing the matter. Probably beginning to lose the argument, young Amy whipped out a handgun and shot Joey’s wife in the face. End of discussion.

Amy was charged with attempted murder but a plea deal gave her 5-15 years in Albion prison. Like virtually all prisoners, Ms. Fisher did not like her new digs. Unlike most cons, she devised a scheme to check out of the joint.

Amy knew NYS Correctional Officers may not have sexual relations with convicts because they’re wards of the state – even if the prisoners say ‘yes’. Unfortunately, sex acts are not uncommon but are difficult to prove.

And then along came Amy who said ‘yes’ quite a few times and saved the memory of her romances in her panties. On Visitor’s Day, the very clever Ms. Fisher managed to transfer her soiled souvenir to her Mother (“Here, Mom.”) who brought it to a lab for DNA testing. The dumb guard was fired and Ms. Fisher was released from Albion because she was “raped”.  She left the joint in a long, white limousine.

Today the 38-year old Ms. Fisher released her first adult video, “Deep Inside Amy Fisher”.  You may see excerpts of the tape by going to Google and searching for “Amy Fisher” or clicking the link below.  Amy’s not hard to find – she’s spread out all over the place.

You Keep Believing, They Keep Dying

Thursday, September 30th, 2010


US Troops Killed in Iraq: 4742
US Troops Killed in Afghanistan: 2110
US Troops Killed in Pakistan: 15

Your Personal Invitation To Be Cool

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

Today I received a call from my old friends, Paul and Peggi.  It was great to hear from them!  They run a super creative ad agency and are artists and musicians. Paul got me interested in writing this blog although today he’ll deny it.

Next Wednesday evening about 7:00 or so, they’ll be starting Margaret Explosion’s Fall season at the Little Theater Cafe on East Avenue.  I’ll be there – promise.  So if you come, you’ll get to relax with a lot of cool people – and me.

Margaret Explosion is a group that’s been called “one of the most exciting bands in Rochester” by a music critic for our largest newspaper. At the door, say “Franco sent me” and there won’t be a cover charge – really!


Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

I guess this little goof is a character in games or cartoons.  I really don’t worry about Italian stereotypes because most Americans see Italian-Americans all the time in respectable postions.  Most people even know an Italian or two.

But that’s why I worry about Muslim stereotypes.  Most of the Gomers in this country think Muslims are terrorists and that’s why we’re fighting them In Iraq and Afghanistan.  Most of these people are pretty ignorant about anything foreign.  Most have never visited a foreign country and think PBS is something women get every month.  Ignorance results in fear.  And fear results in hatred and war.

The FBI estimated that Al-Qaeda  had about 100 members on September 11, 2001 – today they are in 162 countries.  The US wars have been their best recruiting tools.

What is “Help, Help”?

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

Art Fleming passed away. Do your remember him? He was the original host of Jeopardy from 1964 through 1975. I always liked him better than the priggish Alex Trabeck. Anyway Art had a heart attack near his home in Coral Gables, Florida. As he called for help from the sidewalk, many people just ignored him and walked by. Apparently he didn’t phrase his plea in the form of a question.

Photoshop? Or One Very Cold Model?

Monday, September 27th, 2010

Note Gina’s new hiking boots.

Pigeons Mate for Life (OK, Males Cheat)

Monday, September 27th, 2010

Sometimes.  But not nearly as much as most other animals including men (and women).  Virtually every other animal or bird will “mate” with any floozy pig, dog, or pussy around.  Not pigeons.  Mostly they live to care for their families.

Also, pigeons (or ‘city rats’ as my ignorant neighbors call them) are not the vermin carrying, birds of death your Mom told you they are. In general, there’s little risk to people from normal day-to-day contact with pigeons in parks, yards, balconies, etc.

Pigeons are quite intelligent for birds and are kind, peaceful, gentle, loving to each other, and totally family-oriented.

I wish I had pigeons for neighbors instead of the neighbors I have for neighbors.

WARNING: Half-Baked Tan Laws

Monday, September 27th, 2010

The 18-years and under crowd in New York State must be pretty stupid.  Even if they graduated high school, they aren’t smart enough to make their own decisions regarding smoking, alcohol, clubs, casinos, nor adult materials.  Now they can’t even tan in a tanning bed without their parents’ permission.

Kicking them out of electric beaches is just one more way  the government says “We know how to live your life better than you do”.  And if Tiffany doesn’t want tan lines to look dumb under her new prom dress, that’s just too bad.

WARNING: Second Hand Salt

Monday, September 27th, 2010

New York State Assemblyman Felix Ortiz has introduced a bill that would ban the use of salt in New York restaurants. The shaky hands of violators would be slapped with a $1,000 fine for every salty dish on the menu.

Assemblyman Ortiz is an idiot.

I love salt – I salt ham.  I sometimes fight the deer in the woods for the licks.  And I don’t  want some Brooklyn political hack telling restaurants how much salt to use or giving us a lecture on future health care cost savings in a world without sodium.

New York State is in a fiscal crisis caused, to a large extent, by NYS Assembly pork.   Why isn’t this assemblyman in Albany right now thinking up ways to cut costs and slash the budget ?

Felix – don’t like salt?  Order out for some hospital food.  And then get back to work.

Sad Lovers and Postal Junkies

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

There are only two things in life for which we constantly hope and dream, and then, even after our illusions have been continually squished like sidewalk worms after a spring rain – we begin again – as if it were our first time.

One is Love. The other is the Mail.

“Mail come?”

“Did you get the mail?”

“Mail late today?”

“Anything for me in the mail?”

“Mail in?”

“Anything in the mail today?”

“Mail here yet?”

After years of disappointments – for six days a week, we still hope there will be some significant prize in our Cracker Jack mail boxes – even though Reality is doubled over in laughter at our stupid dreams.

Here’s a little test for you postal junkies: the next time you’re SUPPOSED to get the mail – don’t. Put it off a bit. Don’t worry about tragedy – emergencies come over the phone. Try to ride out the craving – use your rational thinking process. You know one letter’s too many and a hundred letters aren’t enough.

Just ignore the damn mail for a day or two – really. Three days is kind of pushing it. If you’re not on vacation – and you don’t get your mail for three days – Postmen and Postwomen are trained to “tell someone.”

And then “someone” will come sniffing under your door. They’ll think you’re either strange . . . or dead.