Archive for August 15th, 2010

Clown Sex is Disturbing

Sunday, August 15th, 2010

If you have sex with a clown, you also have sex with every clown that clown has slept with.

Archie Comics Taken Out of the Closet

Sunday, August 15th, 2010

Riverdale High is getting a new student – and he’s gay.

Kevin Keller is the new, hunky blond classmate and he immediately tells Jughead why he’ s not interested in Veronica (not knowing she’s a lesbian anyway):

“It’s nothing against her! I’m gay!” he explains.

“I like Judy Garland movies too!” Jughead replies.

Archie Comics’ co-CEO, Jon Goldwater, said the recurring character is being introduced because “we want to make sure Riverdale is a very inclusive place. We want to make sure everyone’s included in Archie’s world.”

I’ll say it’s inclusive!  When Archie found out that Betty and Veronica were secret lovers, he immediately started going out with Josie, a Black woman.

Although the ultra-trendy classmates seem pretty smart about things  (Miss Grundy teaches safe sex) no one can ever explain why these dolts haven’t graduated from high school in over 70-years.


Sunday, August 15th, 2010

Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge, both rumored to be girlfriends of Archie Andrews, the red-haired, wholesome 85-year old Riverdale High School student, will actually marry each other in Los Angeles next month. Ms. Lodge made the announcement in front of a rack of flannel shirts in a Modesto, California Sears store with the blushing Betty Cooper at her side.

Speaking out of the side of her mouth with a non-filter cigarette on the other side, Ms. Lodge said, “Yah, I figured I’d make an honest woman out of her. I’m sick of the fact the FBA keeps getting more fingerprints than the FBI!”

When asked what ‘FBA’ stood for, the burley Veronica snarled, “Freakin’ Betty’s Ass”. The couple plan to marry on September 15th, the anniversary of  the marriage of the late J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson, Former Director and Mrs. Director of the FBI.

Archie Andrews appeared shocked at the news. When asked if he ever “got any – on the side?” from Ms. Lodge, Mr. Andrews said, “I haven’t gotten any in so long, I didn’t even know they moved it.”