Archive for July, 2010

Diane Didn’t Trip and Die

Monday, July 26th, 2010

At 9:00 am on October 4, 1969, Diane Linkletter jumped from her sixth floor kitchen window and died about an hour and a half later from “traumatic injuries” according to the L.A. Medical Examiner. No evidence of drugs was found in the toxicology report.

Yet within days, Art Linkletter blamed his daughter’s death on LSD and, since there were  no drugs found in her body, he specifically referred to an “LSD Flashback” as the cause of Diane’s death.  Because of his fame as an on-air entertainer, Linkletter’s message of “see what happens when you do LSD, kids?” shot through the country like rays of sunshine (which do not cause blindness if stared at intently).  And the reality of “flashbacks” is controversial to this day.

Now why would a family blame a daughter’s suicide on taking drugs?  Because it’s an easier explanation than admitting she was a desperately unhappy woman whom no one in her family could reach.  Plus, her older sister’s husband, 33, had shot himself in the head just three months before!  For many people, even today, suicides are family disgraces.

Although Ms. Linkletter’s death is tragic and Art Linkletter’s crusade was noble from his perspective, controlling peoples’ behavior through rumors, lies and exaggeration is rarely effective.  I remember hearing of Dianne’s LSD suicide in my college dorm – and watching everyone make jokes about it.  For years “they” told us smoking pot would make us impotent and insane – and we knew that was bullshit.  There was no reason to believe the official line here …. or in Vietnam.

“Dun’ do it, Gringo!”

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

What is California’s greatest cash crop?  Pubic hair from Hollywood actresses? Noooo – POT, like in marijuana, “weed”, and “smoke”.

This Fall, California voters will decide if they should or should not legalize and tax marijuana. Rand, a very respected national think tank, has projected that if that happens, within a few years, the price of pot will drop 80-90% NATIONALLY, there may be 2-times as many casual users, tax revenues would skyrocket, and drug cartels would be SOOL (Shit Out of Luck).  Of course, drug killings would be drastically reduced and the cost of law enforcement would take a nose dive – just like when Prohibition ended.

Will America do it?  Of course not!  It makes too much sense and there are too many vested interests trying to keep the moronic status quo.  Think about who PROFITS from the drug industry (everyone from cartels to rehab centers, the liquor industry, law enforcement, and correctional officers).

With these players in the game, common sense “doesn’t mean shit to a tree.”

Superheros in the ‘Taste Hall of Fame’

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

I’d like to nominate a new member to the ‘Taste Hall of Fame’: bacon.  For those unfamiliar with this esteemed institution, the “Hall” is a collection of specific tongue-flavors which contain a certain element that makes food taste great.

Salt and butter were among the original inductees into the “Hall” – and I can taste why.  If you took a bowl of cotton balls and dumped massive amounts of butter and salt on them – I’d eat it.  So would just about everyone else.  No one would think to eat escargot without a heavy butter and garlic sauce.  Why would they?

And now I  believe bacon deserves it’s place in taste history.

Let’s be honest for a minute:  basically bacon is a slab of pig fat with an apologetic little strip of pink meat running down its center so you won’t remember you’re just eating a slab of pig fat.  No one ever orders “A Big Slab of Bacon (‘medium rare, please’) and a baked potato.”

When I was in college I used to love waking up to the smell of bacon and eggs.  It reassured me that once again,  I had passed out in my favorite diner – and no one called the cops.

What America Teaches Kids About Sex:

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

“Sex is a dirty, shameful thing. Make sure you
save it for someone you love. Any questions?”

The #1 Puffy in Eastern Europe

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

Her Left Nipple took Second Place.


Friday, July 23rd, 2010

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteers are in the rghit pclae.  Tihs is bcuseae we raed the wlohe wrod – not jsut the ltteers.

A New Low in Highs?

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

Rochester Police continue to refuse comment on a strange report concerning the city’s drug trade: women who drive around to local street drug dealers exchanging oral sex for illegal narcotics.

Although trading sex for drugs is relatively common, one aspect of this activity has taken a different turn: allegedly, some women don’t exit their vehicles because of fear for their personal safety.  It’s reported that they roll down their windows and dealers are given oral sex while standing on the curb.  When finished, the dealer hands the woman a small bag of drugs and she drives off.

It was reported that at least one alleged dealer appeared to hide the transaction by looking at a magazine on the top of a customer’s car.

Rochester City Police did not return my calls for comment.

Clemency for Pamela Smart

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

This society is much bigger on punishment than rehabilitation.  What wonderful Christians we are!  We’re one of the few “civilized” nations in the world which still has capital punishment.

The very first post on this blog  – over 900 entries ago – was about clemency for Pamela Smart. Smart still sits in her cell 20-years after her crime in which she supposedly conned some stupid kid into killing her husband.  She has no chance for parole.


Years ago the Supreme Court ruled that incarceration without the chance for parole is NOT cruel and unusual punishment as banned by our Constitution.  I think they’re full of shit.  My own choice would be to provide lifers with enough suicide drugs to kill themselves – if that’s what they chose – or stay in prison forever.

But uh-uh – not in God-fearing America.  If there’s any  killing to be done around here, our society wants credit for it.  The rest of the suckers can just rot to death.

Ted Kaczynski and me . . .

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

…used to shop Walmart for our grub together – but I’m alone now.

Ted Kaczynski (the “Unabomber”) is now in federal prison.  At corporate parties, he was always a blast.

Just Another Man You’re Going to Blame

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

Human test trials for the male birth control pill are now going on in England. The pill should be on the market in a few years. The research money spent on this stupid project was wasted.

WOMEN – here’s a hypothetical test:  you meet a really hot guy at a cool party. There aren’t any telltale tan lines of a wedding ring on his finger. He’s clean, kind of good-looking, and is neither a hairdresser nor an interior designer. He’s actually asked you three questions about your life and only spent about three quarters of the time talking about himself.

A bouncing boobed bimbo shakes on by and he never takes his eyes off you. Bingo! You’re slightly drunk – so you invite him back to your apartment “to talk.” When he actually pays for the cab ride and gives the driver a good tip, you think – “should we rush a June wedding….or wait another month?”

As soon as you enter your apartment, passion melts the wallpaper! Clothes fly everywhere and at one point in the melee, you kiss your own forearm! After tumbling into bed, you open the drawer in your night stand, take out a condom and hurriedly hand it to your new lover.

He smiles and says, “I really don’t need that, Baby – I’m on the male birth control pill.”

WOMEN, Do you say …….

A. “Wow! You really DO have a great sense of humor!” or

B. “You HAVE to – I don’t want to get HIV again!” or

C. “Good! I WANT to have more children!” or

D. “Geez – I thought only prison inmates said that!” or

E. “Right. How selfish of me to put an unwanted pregnancy before your minute and a half of pleasure!”

Male birth control pills will become viable only when women trust men enough to put down the toilet seat every night.