Archive for July 16th, 2010

Not Quite Candy – Not Quite Gum

Friday, July 16th, 2010

I guess I was the last kid on earth to discover gummy bears. Someone offered me one last winter and I said I never had one before.  The ridicule I suffered from 40-year old kids still hurts.  The first 10 or 20 were really no big deal but after I ate about 1/2 barrel of the damn things, I did a little research.

Gummy bears were first concocted in Germany in the 1950’s and were an immediate success. Today they come in many flavors, shapes, and sizes (I personally recommend the gummy worms). Gummies are one of the few candies to have their own television show (This might be “Face the Nation”).  And incredibly, there are KOSHER gummies and some made specifically for vegans!  A gummy is even being tested today to help fight cavities in kids.  Right.

Somewhere along the line, Gummy Bear must have lost his patent because I just bought a half-pound of them at the Dollar Store for a buck.

Cougar vs. Cougar Hawk

Friday, July 16th, 2010

Cougar. Noun. A 35+ year old woman who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen slinking along a swanky bar waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into any  innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path.

Best Cougar line: “I have this cramp near my lower back but I can’t quite get to it in this dress.”

Cougar Hawk. Noun. A gentleman of any age who preys on cougars. The man is very knowledgeable in the ways of the cougar and is actually the predator. He often uses his insight to work the cougar while working other ladies in the room.  This is often accomplished though faux-meaningful flirting and skillfully pretending to listen.

Best Cougar Hawk line: “You are much, much too young to be a cougar.”

Decisions, decisions . . .

Friday, July 16th, 2010