Archive for June 28th, 2010

I’m Sorry to Inform You, Mr. Whitman . . .

Monday, June 28th, 2010

…that we have not been able to locate your wife.  As soon as she was discovered missing from the expedition safari, be assured that an extensive search was conducted for over two-days.  Unfortunately, it produced no results.

My suggestion for you is to immediately contact the American Consulate in Nairobi for further advice and counsel.

With regret,

Maurice DuPrez
Commissioner General
Kenya Tourism Bureau
Kenya, East Africa

War Dead

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Iraq: 4406 Afghanistan: 1121

Anyone care?

Blown Glass

Monday, June 28th, 2010

“Poison Center? My Kid Just Ate Some MSG!”

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Do you think monosodium glutamate can kill you?  Well, it might if you ate about a bucket of it, then tripped over the bucket and smashed your head on the floor.  But any excessive amounts you could eat in a day over a lifetime, won’t do anything but make your food taste better.

Say what? MSG isn’t deadly? Nope, just a typical example of anecdotal health bullshit the media grabs and blows up to sell papers.  And you, of course, believed it (unless you’re an Italian who doesn’t believe anything).

So why do Chinese restaurants advertise “No MSG Used”?  Well what would you do if masses of ignorant diners refused to have dinner at your humble eatery because they think they’ll be poisoned?

Have you ever noticed that unlike tobacco, alcohol, saccharine, and a zillion other things, there are no government warnings about MSG?  That’s because there’s never been a valid, scientific study by the government or the academic world to show that MSG is harmful – except to owners of Chinese restaurants.

Oh, Bite Me!

Monday, June 28th, 2010

President Obama wanted General McChrystal out for many reasons –  not the least of which was calling Joe Biden “Bite Me”. “Bite Me”? That old 7-th grade taunt? Of course a few months earlier, Biden dropped the “F-bomb” too close to an open mike and churchies snarled.

Obama followed that act when he told NBC’s Matt Lauer that he was going to “kick ass” at BP and purist prigs started calling O every name in their decidedly limited vocabulary of insults.

What a bunch of weenies!  They are alter boys compared to President Richard Nixon.  When the Watergate transcripts were published, the nation cringed.  Nixon – brought up a Quaker and thought to be a prude – called many on his enemies list “cocksuckers”.  The poor secretaries who had to transcribe the tapes, kept typing the phrase “expletive deleted” – dozens of times.