Archive for March 12th, 2010

WARNING: Second Hand Salt

Friday, March 12th, 2010

New York State Assemblyman Felix Ortiz has introduced a bill that would ban the use of salt in New York restaurants. The shaky hands of violators would be slapped with a $1,000 fine for every salty dish on the menu.

Assemblyman Ortiz is an idiot.

I love salt – I salt ham.  I sometimes fight the deer in the woods for the licks.  And I don’t  want some Brooklyn political hack telling restaurants how much salt to use or giving us a lecture on future health care cost savings in a world without sodium.

New York State is in a fiscal crisis caused, to a large extent, by NYS Assembly pork.   Why isn’t this assemblyman in Albany right now thinking up ways to cut costs and slash the budget ?

Felix – don’t like salt?  Order out for some hospital food.  And then get back to work.

No Lack of Characters

Friday, March 12th, 2010

My ex-wife and I were talking about ‘characters’. Do you know any? Characters are people who live in their own colorful definition of reality and have a hard time fitting into the black and white world most of us share.

I know a number of characters – a guy who was one of New York’s best safe crackers in the ‘60’s – a woman who believed she was John Kennedy’s illegitimate daughter – a man who became a pet groomer to find the reincarnation of his dead dog – well, the list could go on. I LOVE characters! But the discussion took an unpleasant turn when T. said I was a character. Me?

“You’re kidding!” I said, “I’m not a character.”

“Characters never think they’re characters.” she said.

“Wait a little minute here, “ I said trying to get my thoughts together.

I thought of Johnny, a 65-year old guy who moved to Washington Square Park in Manhattan in December so he could be homeless and live in a cardboard box. When I asked him why, he said, “Franco – that’s New York! If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere!”

Then there was Christine, an ex-dancer with whom I was talking about “looks”. I said, “I know I’m no Brad Pitt.” She immediately sat up, seriously looked at me and said, “Why did you bring up Brad Pitt?”

Of course I said, “You know Brad Pitt?”

She laid down again and said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Now THESE people are characters! I’m not a character.

“Don’t worry about it,” T. said, “There are a lot of good people who are characters.”

“Yeh, well – what about YOU? How many people walk around deciding who’s a character and who isn’t, hmmm?”

“I see we can’t talk about this any more,” T. said. And then she stood up and walked out of the room.

What a character!