Archive for March 10th, 2010

Happy 51st Birthday, Barbie

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Barbie was 51 yesterday and except for a little paunch and a few more lines, the babe STILL looks good. Of course she never had to shed baby fat, stumble through puberty, pull all-nighters, dribble drugs, have her first plastic period, get her heart stomped on a few times, cure hangovers, nor produce any little Barbies. Sure she got a little freaked marrying and then divorcing Ken – but what did she expect choosing the gayest guy this side of Provincetown? But Barbie’s life wasn’t all Fashion Queen plus three interchangeable wigs!

Women: picture yourself coming into this world with measurements of 39-18-33. If you could walk without toppling, you could have your pick of any guy at school. But imagine his horror the first time in a back seat at a drive-in when he discovers you’re SERIOUSLY not anatomically correct! So what if you got bendable legs in 1965? Who’s going to bend them and what for?

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Barbie, may you have many more.

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