Archive for March 9th, 2010

The Cop Stop Hop

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

A few years ago, I took home a gal-pal of mine who lived in a neighborhood the Visitors’ Bureau never puts on postcards. After dropping her off, I made a right and immediately saw a big set of multicolored, flashing lights quickly filling up my rear view mirror. The police stopped behind my car and treated me to a light show for which I would have paid money in the 60’s.

I turned off my engine and put my hands in full view on top of the steering wheel just like I was taught on “COPS”. “License, registration, and insurance card please?” Wow was he young! What’s the minimum age for police applicants these days, thirteen?

After handing over my forms, I watched him go back to his car. I waited while the computer check turned up nothing as I knew it would. He came to my window again and handed me my stuff as his partner stood behind my car.

“Sir, why are you in this neighborhood tonight?” I saw he was getting ready to deliver his “dangerous drug area, stupid to be down here buying” speech. I made a quick decision (sometimes, even I don’t know why I do the things I do).

“All right, Officer, you got me – I know it’s against the law.”

“What?”

“I’m a male prostitute.”

The flashlight beam poured over my face. “For men?” he naively asked.

“No, for young women. They’ve been after me my whole life. Now I’ve decided to charge.”

Time stopped. They sure didn’t go over this at the Academy. Was I disrespecting the police? (Oh God, No!) Was I serious? For what would he arrest me – aggravated delusions? What would the Captain say about this? Finally, he made his decision.  A smile crossed his lips but I knew he was holding back a laugh.

“How’s business?” he smiled.

“Not so good. I think it’s the economy.”

“Get otta here!” he laughed.

As I started my car, I saw the silhouette of his head dancing in the flashing lights as he filled in his partner.

Most times, you’ve just got to make your own fun.