Archive for March 5th, 2010

The Cube Route of Love

Friday, March 5th, 2010


Lovers never fight about what they’re fighting about.  Once you get that lesson down, you move up the food chain of  PIR’s – People in Relationships.  I learned the lesson many years ago when I first lived with a woman, “M” (a pseudo-letter).

I love drinks with lots of ice. M loved soft drinks with ice.  Together, we went through a lot of ice cubes – there just never seemed to be enough.  So as any giggling young lovers would do to avoid a confrontation, we bought more ice cube trays. And then MORE ice cube trays.  After a few months, we couldn’t even fit most of our frozen food in the freezer because of our extended family of ice cube trays.

As naive as we were, even we knew the problem wasn’t “not enough ice cube trays”.  The problem was neither of us was willing to refill them.  So we decided on an adult “solution” – “if you use the last cube, refill the tray”.  The result became blindingly  obvious: 24 empty trays, each containing its “last” ice cube.  We continued to fight about it for months.

Years later I finally figured out what the “ice cube war” was all about.  It wasn’t about ice, it was about power – “Who’s in Charge Here?”  And that’s usually the “real” fight in a relationship over EVERYTHING – “Who’s in Charge Here?”  Of course by that time, “M” was long gone – in a relationship with another man.  I asked her if he filled ice cube trays well.  She wouldn’t answer.