Archive for February 22nd, 2010

I Feel Cheap, Used, and I Caught Something

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Street Walkers have been called the “Fast Food of Sex”. What an insult to the women! Fast Food might be the same – but I guess my digestive system is demanding a more loving relationship with what I eat.

In the early ‘60’s, Carrols Hamburgers opened near Syracuse where I lived with my family. We were amazed. Hamburgers were 12¢, fries-10¢ and a Coke was a dime too. Imagine, 32¢ for a meal! My Dad often brought us kids to Carrols late Sunday afternoons to give my Mom a rest.

I’m sure Mom needed a rest – but she didn’t like this new dining experience for the same reasons we kids loved it: junkie food, no vegetables, no sitting down as a family to eat, no place to wash our hands and faces, no napkins on our laps, no grace before meals, no waiting to be excused when we were done and no bothersome polite dinner conversation. She let us go because it was only 1 meal out of 21 in the week.

So anyway, I was rushing around today like a fly on acid and ended up at my final destination, Walmarts, around 1:00 pm. I was quite hungry but knew there was only one choice: McDonalds. These days, I only eat there about three or four times a year and the experience is almost always the same: grease, messy tables, screaming kids and other undesirables, and a surly counter crew which snarls at customers. They’re pretty bad until you see the real animals in the joint – the “cooks” grunting to bells and beepers in an ugly, crouching trance.

I’m not picking on McDonalds – I’m sure all these grease palaces are pretty much the same. But as the burger and fries slid down my throat on the bubbling flow of brown sugar-water, I had a strange thought. There’s really not much food there for which you need teeth. You could gum down virtually any item on the menu. Maybe that’s why there are so many old customers – and babies.

Anyway, what did I catch? I really don’t know who Montezuma is – but he could be the leader of all the fast food counter people worldwide – and now he’s getting their revenge.