Archive for February 3rd, 2010

Chance of Winning? Zero.

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Remember yesterday’s post “A Tax On Stupid People”?  I delivered the unhappy news to win a simple $500 a week for life in the NYS Lottery, statistically, you would have to scratch a ticket every second of every day for 3 ENTIRE LIFETIMES to hit the magic ticket (buying about $8-million dollars of lottery tickets in the process). That was a little disappointing to those of you who had counted on the prize to pay next month’s rent. But the good news was you only had to pay $1 for your moronic delusion. Some dopes pay $30!

Of course the chance of winning the Grand Prize is roughly equivalent to walking around your backyard with a bushel basket waiting for a plane to drop $1-million into it. But even THOSE chances – zillions to one – are better than if you have NO CHANCE of winning.

What’s that?

Yeh, sorry. Sometimes there’s NO chance of winning the Grand Prize. Why?

Because someone may have ALREADY won it. WHAT!?

Think of how it works. Some gerbil-like bureaucratic committee in Albany gets to choose a new Lottery game from the thousands that are sent in by New Yorkers who have too much time on their hands. So they run the numbers through the computers to make sure the odds are so stupidly high, even Paris Hilton could see there’s little chance of  her ticket actually winning. And then they set the run of the new game (say six months to a year) and print the estimated required number of tickets to distribute to retail vendors and start the massive ad campaigns.

BUT THEN some nitwit actually HITS the Grand Prize in the first month of a year-long campaign! (It’s happened any number of times.) Uh-oh. There’s only one Grand Prize and eleven months to go. Now what?

“Well New York pulls the game or announces there is no more Grand Prize to win, right?”

Sure, kid. And the cow really jumped over the moon.