Archive for December, 2009

Global Warming? Who Cares?

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

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I don’t care about global warming.  The kid above doesn’t care about it either, but, of course, he’s already dead.  So you tell me we’re going to have huge climate crisis’ in 50, 100, or 1000 years?  That’s too bad. Best of luck in solving those problems to the people who’ll live in the future.

But you see, we’ve got a few global problems hanging around right now.   The World Health Organization estimates that something like 40,000 children die needlessly EVERY SINGLE DAY from easily-solved problems like starvation and diarrhea.  And then there’s the underlying cause, overpopulation, which should be pretty easy to fix too, right?

And you’re telling me thousands of scientists and world leaders and representatives of third world nations are at some fancy conference deciding on what’s the best way to solve a debatable crisis 100-years from now? And third world countries which cannot now fix their own problems of controlling birth rates, diseases, and corruption, want big money to fix the future? Hmmm, let me think about that one.

Oh well, don’t mean to be a grinch.  I hope the conference goes well and everyone gets enough to eat and drink.  Maybe the attendees can even get some doggy bags for the kids back home.

Boring…..

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

…my stones. Who cares? I’ll let you know if they roll or gather moss.

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(NOT ACTUAL SIZE)

Ladies and Gentlemen….

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

imagesThe Roving Stones!

“Say what?”

I was sitting across the urologist after being admitted to the hospital via the VIP entrance – the Emergency Room. A backstage pass was quickly given to me by my doctor and, at the gate, I loudly yelled the password: “EEEIIIIEEEYAH!!!!!

I’ve had kidney stones before but not like this signature collection of razor-sharp rock stars that started shooting like drunken rockets through my kidneys, bladder, and urethra franklin, all searching for the daylight dancing in a bowl of porcelain. Why they started all at once is anyone’s guess. Maybe they know something about my health the doctors don’t – and they’re all trying to exit via the shortest route (oh, shut up).

“What we do,” Dr. Uro said, “is go underneath with a lit scope, a laser, and a sound-wave machine to shoot the stones into pieces, and then we put in stints so they’ll pass.”  I’ve seen Rochester city work crews filling pot holes with less equipment.

“Underneath?”, I asked skeptically.

“Yes, through the opening of your penis.”

“Say what?”

TOMORROW – Part II – “It’s No Big Thing”

Diversity, USA

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

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ORAL ROBERTS UNIVERSITY

Oral Roberts, the great Christian Pentecostal Evangelist, died today at 91.  Although there are few things on which Mr. Roberts and I could ever agree, there is no denying he was a man who built a worldwide ministry, an accredited university, and a medical school. He brought hope, comfort, and faith to millions of people.

I would sincerely like to extend my condolences and all positive energy to Mr. Robert’s family and to all of those who believe in him.

Gone Fishin’

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

Frank is having some kidney stones removed and he asked me to put a note up here announcing that he is not dead yet. Wish him luck and stay tuned.

A Page of History

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

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“God what a Bod” – High School Saying

A year ago, legendary pinup queen Bettie Page had a heart attack and shortly thereafter died of pneumonia. She was 85. Although her name may not be familiar to you, it would be hard to find anyone over the age of 40 who could not recognize Ms. Page from the 20,000 racy photographs taken of her in the late ‘40’s and ‘50’s.

Along with Hugh Hefner and Marilyn Monroe, Ms. Page is regarded as one of the pioneers in the sexual revolution of the ‘60’s. Without shame – she was most often photographed naked, nearly naked, or in a daring (for the ‘50’s) bikini on a California beach. She was even featured in ‘Bondage & Discipline’ images although she didn’t quite “get” the motif. “Why would anyone want to be tied-up?” she was quoted as asking. Her photos were found in sleazy men’s mags of the times, under the beds of teen boys, and proudly published by ‘Nudism & Nature’ periodicals.

A private funeral service was held for Ms. Page in Los Angeles. She was buried at Westwood Cemetery just a few feet away from Marilyn Monroe.

An Old Friend for Christmas

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

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There are millions of older Americans who live alone and need someone to love.  You may be a son or daughter, a niece or nephew – anyone who wishes you could visit this senior more but don’t have the time – and you feel a little bad about it.

For this special person, I hope you’ll consider a Christmas gift of an older cat.  Older cats don’t scratch the furniture, or run around like nuts, or take leaps at the Christmas tree.  Older cats are only good to lie on someone’s lap, to be hugged in the day, and to sleep with “their” person at night.

Chances are they’re already fixed and are used to being around people.  They don’t have to go outside – in fact, they shouldn’t go outside.  Most people who are new to cats are surprised at how easy they are to care for.  Unlike the silly myths, most cats are very affectionate and crave human attention.

So it seems to me, this could be a perfect match – a senior citizen who needs a friend and a lonely friend who once lived with a family and is now sitting in a cage at your local animal shelter.

Won’t you please consider this very special Christmas gift for someone you love?  If things somehow don’t work out, you can always return the cat to the shelter.  But I’m told over 90% of older cats who are placed in loving homes, never go back.  They’ve found a loving friend whose life is now richer with someone to love.  These friends are valuable to each other because each can satisfy the others need.

And isn’t love and family what Christmas is all about?

Gaetano & Serafina, 1911

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

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My Grandparents getting married in 1911. After this photograph was taken, they returned to the set of “The Godfather.” Note the white gloves on the Groom and his Best Man. This was an old family tradition: NO FINGERPRINTS.

100,000 Hits

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

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Two years ago, my friend Paul Dodd convinced me to start writing a blog.  I had hesitated for months because most blogs I read were filled with the daily drivel of peoples lives – what they had for dinner, blah, blah, blah.  But Paul said I should write anything I wanted from my opinions on political issues to my everyday thoughts medication can’t control.

After 6-months, we hooked up a counter and were surprised at how quickly it grew. Now, a year and a half after the counter started counting, it’s reached the mark you see above.  The picture is of 100,000 thousand plastic bottles waiting to be recycled.  That’s what the caption said – I didn’t count them. It was noted that that’s the number Americans throw out in 5-minutes.

Often people don’t understand satire and take the things I write too seriously. Although there’s no mistaking my stands on issues like the wars and racism, many of my posts use humor, exaggeration, and irony to make points.  Sometimes people e-mail me insulting my writing, my heritage, and, mostly, me. But I have this philosophy: “So what?  I’ve been insulted by people much better than you!”.  And if my head ever gets too big,  I look at the framed critique someone once wrote to me (I’ve printed it and hung it next to my desk):

“If the choice ever comes to reading another word by you or sticking pins in my eye, I’ll take the pins!”

Total: 100392 hits and 19701 unique.
Today: 309 hits and 105 unique.
Currently: 1 users online.

@8:30pm

Making a Lasting Impression

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

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3-D is the newest trend in the world of tattoos.  Why anyone would want a disgusting tarantula on his back is beyond me.  In the summer, this person will probably get a lot of shock and laughs from his friends.  When he’s a grandfather, many times he’ll be forced to say, “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time”.