Archive for December 16th, 2009

Boring…..

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

…my stones. Who cares? I’ll let you know if they roll or gather moss.

stoner

(NOT ACTUAL SIZE)

Ladies and Gentlemen….

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

imagesThe Roving Stones!

“Say what?”

I was sitting across the urologist after being admitted to the hospital via the VIP entrance – the Emergency Room. A backstage pass was quickly given to me by my doctor and, at the gate, I loudly yelled the password: “EEEIIIIEEEYAH!!!!!

I’ve had kidney stones before but not like this signature collection of razor-sharp rock stars that started shooting like drunken rockets through my kidneys, bladder, and urethra franklin, all searching for the daylight dancing in a bowl of porcelain. Why they started all at once is anyone’s guess. Maybe they know something about my health the doctors don’t – and they’re all trying to exit via the shortest route (oh, shut up).

“What we do,” Dr. Uro said, “is go underneath with a lit scope, a laser, and a sound-wave machine to shoot the stones into pieces, and then we put in stints so they’ll pass.”  I’ve seen Rochester city work crews filling pot holes with less equipment.

“Underneath?”, I asked skeptically.

“Yes, through the opening of your penis.”

“Say what?”

TOMORROW – Part II – “It’s No Big Thing”