Archive for September 18th, 2009

The LifeAfterDeath Library

Friday, September 18th, 2009


A lot of people have a lot of hopes for what will happen after they die.   Some hope to meet Jesus.  Some dream of meeting their loved ones.

Many of the ‘Recently Arrived’ will push into the ‘All The Shrimp You Can Eat – Forever’ booth.  Some might crowd the ‘Sleep With Kelly Ripa Pavillion’ (mostly men). Others would collect around the ‘Information Booths’ – “Hey! If this is Heaven, where are the strip bars and casinos?”

Me? I’d rush to the LifeAfterDeath Library where you could get all the answers to the questions you had on Earth. I’ll bet you wouldn’t even have to verbally ask the questions – you’d just put your hands on some orb and lasers would shoot out the images and answers.

My orb will probably be vibrating even before my hands are around it!

First image: Lee Harvey Oswald saying, “Of course I didn’t shoot him! I really WAS a patsy, Paolo.”

Miss Hartman from the second grade: “OK, you little bastard; I DID say, “I don’t like Wops.”

Hey – there’s Kathy Maloney! “OF COURSE I wanted to, Dumbass. You were stupid!  ‘No’ doesn’t always mean ‘no’ when you’re seventeen.”

“Wait…. my big silver ring. There it is – under the desk! Look….uhhh, who’s hand is that? JENNIFER! She’s slipping it into her  jeans pocket…………”

I’ll bet I would walk out of the LifeAfterDeath Library with a vacant gaze – just overwhelmed. The kind Librarian would point out the ‘Mens Brainwashing Restroom’ nodding her head with understanding.

It probably really wouldn’t be heaven if you knew all the answers.

After you’re dead, will anyone think of you as a great presenter?

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